1
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:25,000
*** Subtitles by dylux ***
2
00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:29,429
♪ Astro Blaster! ♪
3
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:32,266
♪ And the Beavermen, aah ♪
4
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:34,201
McCreary with the song
of the summer,
5
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:36,169
"Astro Blaster
and the Beavermen."
6
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:37,872
Still playing
at a theater near you.
7
00:00:37,906 --> 00:00:39,874
Not seeing Poltergeist 2, man.
8
00:00:39,908 --> 00:00:42,342
That creepy old preacher guy
looks like my stepmom.
9
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,946
Sunday morning,
Whispering Woody on Z-100.
10
00:00:44,979 --> 00:00:46,814
Here all day.
Can't do Hands Across America,
11
00:00:46,848 --> 00:00:48,315
but that does not mean
12
00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:49,651
that I can't hand you
two tickets
13
00:00:49,684 --> 00:00:51,385
to see Major Murder defend
14
00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:53,621
his intercontinental
championship title.
15
00:00:53,655 --> 00:00:55,389
Worldwide wrestling coming
to the Brendan Byrne Arena
16
00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:56,824
in New Jersey.
17
00:00:56,858 --> 00:00:58,560
The 100th caller wins.
18
00:00:58,593 --> 00:00:59,994
♪ Rocking at the speed of light ♪
19
00:01:00,028 --> 00:01:03,865
♪ The hot rockin' Z! Z-100! ♪
20
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,184
China Taste.
21
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:25,753
Yes. Can I get, uh,
22
00:01:25,787 --> 00:01:27,487
some General Tso's chicken, please?
23
00:01:27,522 --> 00:01:28,723
Sorry, no Tso's.
24
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:31,491
No Tso's?
Did the chickens escape?
25
00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:34,161
No, we're still doing breakfast
for the next hour.
26
00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:35,763
Breakfast?
27
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:37,999
Then can I get two scrambled eggs?
28
00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:39,701
- Toast or fruit?
- Ew.
29
00:01:39,734 --> 00:01:42,537
Toast. Burn that fruit before
somebody eats it on accident.
30
00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:45,205
Absolutely no fruit.
Anything else?
31
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:47,240
Can I get an orange juice?
32
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:49,409
Never fruit,
but somehow OJ's okay.
33
00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:53,447
Uh, and a pork roll, egg and cheese.
34
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:57,085
Bagel with cream cheese
and any other cheese you sees, please.
35
00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:59,554
He's a poet
and he didn't even know it.
36
00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:00,622
Anything else?
37
00:02:00,655 --> 00:02:01,923
Yes.
38
00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:03,725
Six and a half almond cookies
39
00:02:03,758 --> 00:02:05,827
and your hand in marriage.
40
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,066
Who is this?
41
00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:15,135
Well, it's not Brian David.
That guy's a pud.
42
00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:18,305
He... he sure is.
43
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:21,408
I haven't heard from you
in a long time, Brian David.
44
00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:23,377
- What are you doing?
- Calling Melody Barnegat
45
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:25,546
and I'm making
a Morton's jelly donut.
46
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:27,247
Toaster oven or microwave?
47
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:30,952
I don't have a toaster oven
or a microwave, Richie Rich.
48
00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:32,654
Jesus. Do you guys have
a robot maid
49
00:02:32,687 --> 00:02:34,221
in your mansion, Miss Millionaire?
50
00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:36,991
Shut up. Did you really call
to order all this food?
51
00:02:37,025 --> 00:02:38,626
No.
52
00:02:38,660 --> 00:02:40,427
I was calling to talk to you.
53
00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:42,930
Oh, yeah? Why?
54
00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:45,767
Uh...
55
00:02:47,035 --> 00:02:48,603
Was wondering...
56
00:02:49,871 --> 00:02:51,639
Do you wanna go to the movies
with me today?
57
00:02:53,041 --> 00:02:54,976
You can--
You can totally say no.
58
00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:56,044
Okay.
59
00:02:57,812 --> 00:02:59,647
Uh, s-seriously?
60
00:02:59,681 --> 00:03:01,015
Mm-hmm.
61
00:03:01,716 --> 00:03:03,117
Uh, hold on one second.
62
00:03:10,725 --> 00:03:12,093
Cool.
63
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:13,995
Yeah, anything but Poltergeist 2.
64
00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:16,064
Uh, because Tobe Hooper
didn't direct?
65
00:03:17,131 --> 00:03:19,767
- Who?
- The guy who directed The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
66
00:03:19,801 --> 00:03:22,469
He made the first Poltergeist even
though most people think it was Spielberg.
67
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:25,272
You sure know a lot about movies.
68
00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:26,841
But I can't see
Poltergeist 2 with you
69
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,442
because I'm supposed
to go with my mom.
70
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:29,877
Your mom? Why?
71
00:03:29,911 --> 00:03:33,114
Oh, first one's like
her favorite movie ever.
72
00:03:33,147 --> 00:03:35,183
She says it's because
she likes ghost stories,
73
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,517
but I know she's lying.
74
00:03:36,551 --> 00:03:39,053
Why would your mom lie
about Poltergeist?
75
00:03:39,087 --> 00:03:40,555
My aunt was drunk one night
76
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,222
and she said that when my mom
was in eighth grade,
77
00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:43,624
she went to the school dance
with the guy
78
00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:45,292
who plays the dad in Poltergeist.
79
00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:46,961
So that's why she likes
the movie so much.
80
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:50,263
Oh, my gosh. She probably gave
Craig T. Nelson a hand job.
81
00:03:51,165 --> 00:03:53,034
I'd be so mad
you said that right now
82
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:56,236
if I wasn't so impressed
you remember the guy's name.
83
00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:58,539
You sure know a lot about movies.
84
00:03:58,573 --> 00:04:00,575
I know there's a movie
you and me gotta go see
85
00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:01,943
that your mom will love.
86
00:04:03,044 --> 00:04:04,645
"Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
87
00:04:04,679 --> 00:04:06,748
Remember when we were
in the pool last summer?
88
00:04:11,284 --> 00:04:13,353
Do you wanna touch 'em?
89
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,489
Uh, you mean...
90
00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:18,159
when I almost let you get to second?
91
00:04:18,192 --> 00:04:19,861
Well, yeah,
92
00:04:20,762 --> 00:04:22,362
but this was right before that.
93
00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:24,331
- Marco.
- Polo.
94
00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:26,333
- Marco.
- Polo.
95
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:27,503
Marco.
96
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:31,539
Why do you wear
your shirt in the pool?
97
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:34,008
Because my tits
are bigger than yours?
98
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:38,179
You should take your shirt off
in the pool, just one time.
99
00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:40,114
You should take
your shirt off everywhere,
100
00:04:40,148 --> 00:04:41,281
all the time.
101
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:42,884
You're so funny.
102
00:04:42,917 --> 00:04:44,484
All short people are funny.
103
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,922
It's too loud. I'm reading.
104
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:51,058
Mom, tell Brian David
he's not short.
105
00:04:51,092 --> 00:04:53,393
How about I tell him to get off
my daughter instead?
106
00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:55,730
He's not on me.
I'm on him.
107
00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:58,766
Get off that boy or the only thing
you'll be on is punishment.
108
00:05:00,902 --> 00:05:02,804
Uh, what are you reading, Mrs. Barnegat?
109
00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:04,872
Bucklick.
110
00:05:04,906 --> 00:05:07,642
Holy shit! Your mom
just called me a butt-lick!
111
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:10,545
She said "Bucklick",
with a K.
112
00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:13,080
It's-- it's a book series
my mom loves
113
00:05:13,114 --> 00:05:16,918
about a wisecracking detective
whose name is U.B. Bucklick.
114
00:05:16,951 --> 00:05:18,286
You be a butt-lick.
115
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,420
- You be a butt-lick.
- You be a butt-lick.
116
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:22,422
You be a butt-lick.
117
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,210
Do you wanna touch 'em?
118
00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:48,249
I totally shoulda touched 'em.
119
00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:50,318
You totally shoulda.
120
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,921
It's, like, the biggest mistake
I ever made. Shh.
121
00:05:53,955 --> 00:05:55,323
So why didn't you?
122
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,625
Well, I wanted you to think
I was a nice guy.
123
00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,594
I did think
you were a nice guy
124
00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:01,494
until you stopped calling me.
125
00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:04,799
Well, I'm calling you now
because there's a Bucklick movie,
126
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,767
and we totally gotta go
see it together.
127
00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:09,303
No way.
They made a Bucklick movie?
128
00:06:09,337 --> 00:06:10,437
Ch'yeah, uh,
129
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:11,772
they-they showed a preview for it
130
00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:13,341
when I saw Top Gun.
131
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:17,377
It looks really funny,
and it's playing in Atlantic.
132
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:18,512
Wait, then we gotta go.
133
00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:26,220
Just got yelled at so
I gotta hang up. What time's Bucklick?
134
00:06:26,254 --> 00:06:27,989
There's a 2:15 show.
135
00:06:28,022 --> 00:06:29,624
I can't do 2:15.
I get off at 2:00
136
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,525
and then I need to go home
and shower before I go out
137
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:32,960
because I smell like an egg roll.
138
00:06:32,994 --> 00:06:35,730
Uh, we could go
to the next show at 4:30.
139
00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:37,565
We could, couldn't we?
140
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:39,800
We should, shouldn't we?
141
00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:41,335
"Could", to "should".
142
00:06:41,369 --> 00:06:43,470
Wow. You move fast.
143
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:44,972
Except in the pool.
144
00:06:45,006 --> 00:06:46,574
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
145
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:49,210
So, you wanna go?
146
00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:52,847
Yeah. Let's go see Bucklick.
147
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:54,715
Sweet. Then I'll see you
148
00:06:54,749 --> 00:06:57,084
at the 4:30 movie, Melody Barnegat.
149
00:06:57,685 --> 00:07:01,421
I'll see you
at the 4:30 movie, Brian David.
150
00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:04,892
B-Bye.
151
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,534
There is a God.
152
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,452
Off to get the new Starlog.
153
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,790
It's kind of brisk out.
154
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,327
A very unassuming day.
155
00:07:41,062 --> 00:07:42,663
Nothing fantastic happening.
156
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,576
Morning, Cookie.
157
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,845
Mr. B.D.
158
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,480
Uh, you on the schedule today?
159
00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:33,981
Nope. I'm gonna go
sit on the dock
160
00:08:34,015 --> 00:08:35,349
and read the new Starlog,
161
00:08:35,383 --> 00:08:37,418
then I'm going to the movies.
162
00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:38,886
Man, you and your movies.
163
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,289
Shit's not real, you know.
164
00:08:42,323 --> 00:08:44,191
Like that movie E.T.?
165
00:08:44,225 --> 00:08:46,093
That never happened.
166
00:08:46,127 --> 00:08:47,361
That movie Conan?
167
00:08:48,396 --> 00:08:49,930
Never happened.
168
00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:51,232
That movie Gandhi?
169
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,401
Shit never happened.
170
00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:56,637
I'm pretty sure
Gandhi happened.
171
00:09:00,041 --> 00:09:01,475
Well, that shit happened
for three hours,
172
00:09:01,510 --> 00:09:02,710
so I stopped watching it.
173
00:09:05,246 --> 00:09:07,615
You heard that new
Run-D.M.C. album?
174
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,717
- Fresh.
- Super fresh, right?
175
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,652
Chilly most.
176
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,154
Gandhi definitely happened.
177
00:09:13,187 --> 00:09:14,488
It didn't happen!
178
00:09:14,523 --> 00:09:15,623
No, it definitely happened.
179
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:16,724
Star Wars did!
180
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:39,146
May 25th, 1986.
181
00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:42,716
Today is a big day.
182
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:45,686
I finally called Melody Barnegat
183
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,255
and invited her out to the movies.
184
00:09:50,191 --> 00:09:52,127
Why, you ask?
185
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:56,764
One word.
186
00:09:58,132 --> 00:09:59,467
Love.
187
00:10:01,536 --> 00:10:03,538
I got a 24-karat case of love.
188
00:10:26,494 --> 00:10:29,598
Mrs. B's making bacon for breakfast!
189
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,065
It's not for breakfast.
190
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:33,300
It's for you guys
to bring to the movies.
191
00:10:33,334 --> 00:10:35,102
This is movie bacon?
192
00:10:35,136 --> 00:10:38,105
It's cheaper than
that rip-off candy counter,
193
00:10:38,139 --> 00:10:41,475
and bacon's better for you
than all that popcorn.
194
00:10:42,443 --> 00:10:44,812
- Hmm.
- You're growing boys.
195
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:47,181
You need bacon
to build big, strong hearts.
196
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,751
♪ Coo roo coo coo,
coo loo coo coo! ♪
197
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:53,721
"Oh, g'day. I'm Bob Mackenzie
and this is my brother Doug."
198
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:55,390
"How's it going, eh?"
199
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:59,460
- Is that my movie bacon?
- Ah! Don't touch it yet.
200
00:11:00,161 --> 00:11:02,597
I gotta put the mayonnaise
on it first.
201
00:11:04,165 --> 00:11:05,666
Are we really gonna be
202
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:07,735
sneaking around
the movies all day?
203
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:10,171
I heard that Danny Banks
got caught doing that last week
204
00:11:10,204 --> 00:11:11,772
and they banned him for life.
205
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,575
Danny Banks
isn't as slick as us.
206
00:11:13,608 --> 00:11:15,644
But Bucklick is rated R.
207
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:18,679
We do not look old enough
to get into a rated R movie.
208
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:19,747
We gotta...
209
00:11:20,515 --> 00:11:22,183
because I called
Melody Barnegat this morning
210
00:11:22,216 --> 00:11:23,585
and told her we were going.
211
00:11:23,618 --> 00:11:26,220
You talked to Melody Barnegat
this morning?
212
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,422
Well, was that before
or after the donut?
213
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:30,491
Before. I asked her out.
214
00:11:30,525 --> 00:11:32,126
She's coming
to the 4:30 movie with us.
215
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:35,129
You asked Melody Barnegat
out on a movie date?
216
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:36,830
- Brothers?
- Brothers.
217
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:40,201
- Do you care?
- I don't care.
218
00:11:40,234 --> 00:11:41,468
But guess who will?
219
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:50,044
Melody Barnegat?
220
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:55,149
Merry Melody Barnegat?
221
00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:56,817
Yes, Melody Barnegat.
222
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,886
Dude, she's a Spirit Bunny!
223
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:00,354
She's a cheerleader.
224
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:01,822
She's younger than us.
225
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,658
By one grade, and she would've
been in our class,
226
00:12:03,692 --> 00:12:05,527
but she missed the cutoff date
by a month
227
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,027
because her birthday
is in November.
228
00:12:07,061 --> 00:12:08,896
Dude, you know
when her birthday is?
229
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:12,132
Well, holy shit, Billy Idol.
When is the white wedding?
230
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:14,134
What do you got against
Melanie Barnegat, okay?
231
00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:15,736
She's super sweet.
232
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:17,871
She's super short.
233
00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,240
She's not much shorter than me.
234
00:12:19,273 --> 00:12:20,741
She's shorter than the Mets chance
235
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,476
of making it to the playoffs this year.
236
00:12:22,510 --> 00:12:24,044
- Oh, my God.
- I don't know, Burn.
237
00:12:24,078 --> 00:12:26,480
Mets beat the Padres
5-4 last night.
238
00:12:26,514 --> 00:12:29,149
Yeah, and the Padres beat
the Mets 7-4 on Friday.
239
00:12:29,183 --> 00:12:30,484
What's your point, Bell?
240
00:12:30,518 --> 00:12:32,019
Yeah, but the way they're playing,
241
00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:33,655
they're saying the Mets
could go all the way.
242
00:12:33,688 --> 00:12:35,356
The Mets have as good of a chance
243
00:12:35,389 --> 00:12:37,091
of making it to the World Series
244
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:40,828
as Bri does of making it
with Midgety Barnegat.
245
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,731
Melody Barnegat's not a midget.
246
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:45,332
She's fresh,
and I'm gonna ask her out.
247
00:12:45,366 --> 00:12:47,502
- You already did.
- To the movies, but,
248
00:12:47,535 --> 00:12:49,370
after we see Bucklick, I'm gonna...
249
00:12:49,403 --> 00:12:51,205
ask her out, ask her out.
250
00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:52,540
Like, to go steady.
251
00:12:54,375 --> 00:12:55,577
What?
252
00:12:55,610 --> 00:12:57,579
Wha--
253
00:12:57,612 --> 00:12:58,946
Why?
254
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,282
Why? Because we made out
in her pool last summer.
255
00:13:01,315 --> 00:13:04,519
Yeah, one time!
With your shirt on!
256
00:13:04,552 --> 00:13:07,454
And all you almost got
was a little bit of titty.
257
00:13:07,488 --> 00:13:10,024
And very little, might I add,
because she is...
258
00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:11,358
fairly flat-chested.
259
00:13:11,392 --> 00:13:13,394
Ch'yeah.
She's not flat-chested.
260
00:13:13,427 --> 00:13:15,462
Oh, so you're the expert now?
261
00:13:15,496 --> 00:13:18,098
Look, Bri, baby,
262
00:13:18,132 --> 00:13:20,702
I've gone with way more girls
in the pool than you have,
263
00:13:20,735 --> 00:13:23,337
all right? With my shirt off.
264
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:26,206
I've been thinking about
asking Melody out all year.
265
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,743
She's really smart.
She thinks I'm funny.
266
00:13:28,777 --> 00:13:32,212
Oh, she can't be too smart
if she thinks you're funny.
267
00:13:32,246 --> 00:13:35,449
Like washing your truck three times
a day is some sign of intelligence.
268
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:38,753
Hey, hey, hey! Don't bring
the Truckster into this, okay?
269
00:13:38,787 --> 00:13:41,221
You can actually get inside
of the Truckster,
270
00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:43,824
which is way more
than you'll ever be able to do
271
00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:45,727
with Melody Barnegat.
272
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,895
Bri, she's beneath you.
273
00:13:48,596 --> 00:13:50,097
I'm trying to get her
on top of me.
274
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:52,833
For what?
275
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:54,703
For sex, Burny!
276
00:13:54,736 --> 00:13:57,338
But-but you're--
you're the guy, Bri.
277
00:13:57,371 --> 00:14:00,575
You get on top of her, right?
278
00:14:00,608 --> 00:14:03,344
- I gotta teach him everything.
- But I'm always laying down when I jerk off,
279
00:14:03,377 --> 00:14:05,112
- so I don't think I can bust a nut any other way.
- Ew!
280
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:06,748
Hey! Hey! Come on!
281
00:14:06,781 --> 00:14:10,150
You think I wanna hear about
your nasty jerk-off techniques?
282
00:14:10,184 --> 00:14:12,186
No, I don't!
283
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,522
- The match...
- Major Murder promo!
284
00:14:14,556 --> 00:14:16,490
You gotta learn
how to be a man, Bri.
285
00:14:16,524 --> 00:14:18,192
Be a man like Major Murder.
286
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:23,364
- Like Major Murder.
- Yeah, like Major Murder.
287
00:14:24,532 --> 00:14:26,133
Major Murder is not a man.
288
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,135
He's a fictional character.
289
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:29,870
He's got character.
290
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:31,706
Especially when he's
in the ring kicking ass.
291
00:14:34,576 --> 00:14:37,378
Call the police, because
there's gonna be a murder
292
00:14:37,411 --> 00:14:39,480
in New Jersey, wrestling fans.
293
00:14:39,514 --> 00:14:42,617
Coming to the Brendan Byrne
Arena in East Rutherford,
294
00:14:42,650 --> 00:14:45,285
the Master of Disaster himself,
295
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:47,054
the Savage Soldier,
296
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,824
it's Major Murder!
297
00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:53,293
- Is this thing on?
- Yes.
298
00:14:53,327 --> 00:14:56,163
'Cause I got something to say
to all the sissy civilians out there.
299
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,566
Aw, hell, Mad Brad.
300
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,202
You hearing me, Believer?
301
00:15:02,236 --> 00:15:05,239
Major Murder's got his orders
to kick your ass.
302
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:07,609
So I'm gonna storm those cheeks
303
00:15:07,642 --> 00:15:10,745
like it's Omaha Beach! Hoorah!
304
00:15:10,779 --> 00:15:12,680
Now, Major, it sounds to me
305
00:15:12,714 --> 00:15:14,749
like you intend on holding on
306
00:15:14,783 --> 00:15:18,051
to your intercontinental
championship title. Is that right?
307
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,286
If you gotta ask,
308
00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:22,690
then you ain't up
to the task, soldier!
309
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,863
At ease, ya sleaze.
310
00:15:28,897 --> 00:15:30,497
Major Murder says
311
00:15:30,532 --> 00:15:33,133
dis... missed!
312
00:15:34,536 --> 00:15:35,936
Well, there you have it.
313
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:38,005
Let's all be thankful
that the Major fights
314
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:40,174
for the side
of these United States
315
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:41,910
and not those Soviets.
316
00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:44,445
Major Murder is bad to the bone!
317
00:15:44,478 --> 00:15:47,448
The guy literally rides
a camouflage motorcycle,
318
00:15:47,481 --> 00:15:49,216
for God's sakes.
319
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:51,418
He would never be dating
little Melody Barnegat.
320
00:15:51,452 --> 00:15:52,953
You can bet your ass on that.
321
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:56,190
Because she's a teenager
and he's, like, 100 years old.
322
00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:58,292
You would never say that
to his face,
323
00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:00,762
'cause he'd put
the Grip of Death on you. Huh.
324
00:16:00,795 --> 00:16:03,063
Even though he was 17 years old...
325
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:06,033
Burny O'Donnell still believed
wrestling was real!
326
00:16:07,066 --> 00:16:08,135
Yeah.
327
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,637
- Is wrestling not real?
- Hey!
328
00:16:09,671 --> 00:16:10,805
Can you rip the grip?
329
00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:12,072
- Say wrestling's real!
- Get off me!
330
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,407
Say wrestling's real!
331
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,276
Aw, yeah! Are we wrestlin'?
332
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,748
- I ain't doin' it.
- Why not?
333
00:16:53,781 --> 00:16:55,950
'Cause the idea of everybody
touching everybody's disgusting.
334
00:16:57,451 --> 00:16:58,820
Burny mistakenly believed
335
00:16:58,853 --> 00:17:00,588
"Everybody Touching
Everybody's Disgusting"
336
00:17:00,622 --> 00:17:03,423
was the original name
for Hands Across America.
337
00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:06,293
- Brothers?
- No, Bells. I'm just mocking Burny
338
00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:08,095
for being against
Hands Across America.
339
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:10,063
Ah, hands across my dick.
340
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:13,433
Can't believe they're not
playing Poltergeist 2 here.
341
00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:16,036
Well, there's no way that shit's
gonna be as good as Poltergeist 1.
342
00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:19,007
It's not "Poltergeist 1."
It's still just Poltergeist.
343
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:22,142
When they make a sequel, they don't
suddenly stick a number on the first flick.
344
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:25,813
Sometimes I wanna stick
a power cable in your big mouth,
345
00:17:25,847 --> 00:17:27,615
like Brody did Jaws in Jaws 2.
346
00:17:27,649 --> 00:17:30,018
I like how they killed Jaws
better in Jaws 1.
347
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:32,020
Belly, it's just Jaws.
348
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,655
Unless we're talking Godfather 2,
349
00:17:33,688 --> 00:17:35,723
Escape From the Planet
of the Apes, or Empire,
350
00:17:35,757 --> 00:17:38,158
no sequel's ever as good
as the original.
351
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,028
All right, well, as long
as that creepy little chick's
352
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,496
coming back from Poltergeist 1,
I'll be there.
353
00:17:42,530 --> 00:17:45,232
"Cross over, children!
354
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:47,702
All are welcome."
355
00:17:48,836 --> 00:17:50,170
Melody Barnegat's mom--
356
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:52,239
Ooh! I'm so sorry.
Um, Melody Barnegat's mom
357
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,408
went to a dance with the dad
from Poltergeist
358
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,910
- when she was in eighth grade.
- Oh, yeah.
359
00:17:55,944 --> 00:17:58,178
- I bet she jerked him off!
- That's what I said.
360
00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:01,081
Oh, then why did you ask her
to come to the movies today?
361
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:03,150
Melody's mom's not coming
to the movies with us.
362
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:05,753
Not her mom. Melody.
Why is she coming with us?
363
00:18:05,787 --> 00:18:07,655
Because I like Melody Barnegat.
364
00:18:07,689 --> 00:18:09,724
Ah, you don't know shit
about women, Bri.
365
00:18:09,757 --> 00:18:12,326
- Oh, my God.
- I do, right?
366
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:13,928
And I know she's not
the woman for you
367
00:18:13,962 --> 00:18:16,531
because she's not a woman at all.
368
00:18:16,564 --> 00:18:17,832
She's a little girl.
369
00:18:17,865 --> 00:18:20,568
Melody Barnegat
is not a little girl, Burny.
370
00:18:20,602 --> 00:18:22,737
- She's like a lady.
- Ah, yeah.
371
00:18:22,770 --> 00:18:24,672
Like the creepy lady
from Poltergeist 1.
372
00:18:24,706 --> 00:18:25,773
It's just Poltergeist!
373
00:18:25,807 --> 00:18:27,174
Who wants some more of Mom's bacon?
374
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,242
Put that away till we get inside,
bacon bits.
375
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,812
Oh, shit.
Here comes the car.
376
00:18:45,593 --> 00:18:47,461
That car blows.
377
00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:49,564
No way!
It's like a Batmobile.
378
00:18:49,597 --> 00:18:52,033
Who cares? Batman's
a stupid old TV show.
379
00:18:52,066 --> 00:18:54,434
I read in Starlog, they said
they're gonna make a new Batman movie.
380
00:18:54,468 --> 00:18:56,403
It'll flop.
381
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:58,973
Nobody's ever gonna pay
to see a Batman movie.
382
00:19:03,011 --> 00:19:05,546
What a disgusting town.
383
00:19:12,620 --> 00:19:14,187
Get someone out here and make sure
384
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:16,758
none of these disgusting poors
touches my Moviemobile.
385
00:19:16,791 --> 00:19:18,225
Aye aye, Cap'n Bligh.
386
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,995
Welcome to Atlantic Cinemas,
387
00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:23,831
where the movies come to play.
388
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:27,969
When we get inside, remember,
389
00:19:28,002 --> 00:19:29,403
we're getting tickets
for Astro Blaster
390
00:19:29,436 --> 00:19:30,905
because Bucklick
and Dental School
391
00:19:30,938 --> 00:19:32,406
are both rated R.
392
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:35,743
I can drive a car at 17
and join the army,
393
00:19:35,777 --> 00:19:39,681
but I gotta wait till I'm 18
to see rated R movies.
394
00:19:39,714 --> 00:19:41,516
Might as well live in Russia.
395
00:19:41,549 --> 00:19:43,483
In Soviet Union,
396
00:19:43,518 --> 00:19:45,987
you don't see R-rated movie.
397
00:19:46,020 --> 00:19:47,689
R-rated movie sees you.
398
00:19:47,722 --> 00:19:49,791
"Ah, what a country!"
399
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:52,359
I need new friends.
400
00:19:54,529 --> 00:19:55,462
Hi.
401
00:19:58,833 --> 00:20:00,367
Astro Blaster and the Beavermen?
402
00:20:06,841 --> 00:20:08,676
Can I get, uh, one ticket
403
00:20:08,710 --> 00:20:11,779
to Astro Blaster and the Beavermen?
404
00:20:20,054 --> 00:20:21,622
Hey, girl!
405
00:20:21,656 --> 00:20:24,125
Can I get, uh,
one ticket to, uh,
406
00:20:24,158 --> 00:20:26,359
"Ass-blaster"?
407
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:30,363
'Cause, uh, you know,
that's what the ladies call me.
408
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:32,066
Ass-Blaster.
409
00:20:42,744 --> 00:20:44,679
She was playing hard to get.
410
00:20:44,712 --> 00:20:47,414
Okay. Um, we'll save seats.
411
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:48,783
You get in line?
412
00:20:50,184 --> 00:20:51,586
- That look like it hurt.
- She gave me a look.
413
00:20:54,055 --> 00:20:56,124
You can't give them cut-sies
when they get back.
414
00:20:57,058 --> 00:20:59,160
What do you care?
We're behind you.
415
00:20:59,193 --> 00:21:00,895
Well, I'll tell my dad.
416
00:21:00,928 --> 00:21:03,898
Oh, you'll tell your dad.
So what?
417
00:21:03,931 --> 00:21:06,200
I don't care what you
tell your dad, little kid.
418
00:21:08,136 --> 00:21:10,437
- Dad.
- Hmm?
419
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:12,472
He showed me his privates.
420
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:15,375
- He did what?
- I-I--
421
00:21:17,111 --> 00:21:18,813
Have fun. Don't run.
422
00:21:19,714 --> 00:21:21,249
Have fun. Don't run.
423
00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:22,917
"Have fun, don't run."
424
00:21:26,621 --> 00:21:27,755
Have fun.
425
00:21:29,090 --> 00:21:30,490
And I hope you die.
426
00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:38,398
Have fun. Don't run.
427
00:21:38,431 --> 00:21:40,535
You had to mess with Manager Mike.
428
00:21:40,568 --> 00:21:42,737
I'm not scared of that spaz.
429
00:21:42,770 --> 00:21:44,272
Now if he sees us in Bucklick,
430
00:21:44,304 --> 00:21:46,607
he'll remember us as the guys
from Astro Blaster
431
00:21:46,641 --> 00:21:48,976
- who made fun of him.
- Oh, the "guys"?
432
00:21:49,010 --> 00:21:52,747
You mean "the guy"?
'Cause you didn't say shit.
433
00:21:52,780 --> 00:21:54,715
I'm trying to be incognito
434
00:21:54,749 --> 00:21:56,751
so we can sneak into
the other movies all day
435
00:21:56,784 --> 00:21:58,418
- after we see this one.
- Oh. Uh-huh,
436
00:21:58,451 --> 00:22:00,588
and how many times
have you seen Astro Blaster?
437
00:22:00,621 --> 00:22:01,823
Fourteen times.
438
00:22:01,856 --> 00:22:04,391
Oh. And you wonder
why you don't get laid.
439
00:22:05,226 --> 00:22:06,928
I don't get laid
'cause I'm Catholic.
440
00:22:06,961 --> 00:22:09,496
I'm Catholic! That don't stop me
from getting laid.
441
00:22:09,530 --> 00:22:11,899
I even did it in the church
basement one time.
442
00:22:11,933 --> 00:22:15,236
Is the church basement
what you call your sphincter?
443
00:22:15,269 --> 00:22:16,804
You're a sphincter.
444
00:22:20,875 --> 00:22:22,442
Uh, where is Bells?
445
00:22:28,216 --> 00:22:30,618
- Uh, what the hell?
- I got thrown out.
446
00:22:30,651 --> 00:22:32,954
- For what?
- For being a little sex fiend.
447
00:22:34,689 --> 00:22:36,090
Are you with that pervert?
448
00:22:36,123 --> 00:22:38,926
Uh, I mean...
449
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:40,995
- We go to the same school.
- You're such a sellout.
450
00:22:41,028 --> 00:22:42,495
That pervert's our boy, Belly.
451
00:22:42,530 --> 00:22:44,665
Well, your boy Belly's been bounced.
452
00:22:44,699 --> 00:22:46,267
You wanna join him,
be my guest.
453
00:22:46,300 --> 00:22:48,368
But keep the door closed.
Don't let my AC out.
454
00:22:48,401 --> 00:22:51,973
You touch my car,
I call the cops!
455
00:22:52,006 --> 00:22:54,175
You touch my car,
456
00:22:54,208 --> 00:22:55,843
I call the cops!
457
00:22:55,877 --> 00:22:59,280
You can't hear me?
I can't hear you.
458
00:22:59,313 --> 00:23:02,016
I won.
459
00:23:04,218 --> 00:23:05,653
Meet me out back.
460
00:23:07,588 --> 00:23:09,857
Meet me out back.
461
00:23:11,092 --> 00:23:13,027
Jesus. Meet me out back.
462
00:23:17,531 --> 00:23:19,667
All right.
463
00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:22,402
Can you get me some Twizzlers?
I'll go get Bells.
464
00:23:22,435 --> 00:23:23,704
Can I eat you
one of your Twizzlers?
465
00:23:23,738 --> 00:23:26,073
You can eat this Twizzler.
466
00:23:31,212 --> 00:23:33,314
Ah. S'up, Stank?
467
00:23:33,347 --> 00:23:36,050
- Oh, hey. S'up? How you doing?
- Good.
468
00:23:36,083 --> 00:23:39,387
D-didn't I see you at Rocky IV
couple of months ago?
469
00:23:40,221 --> 00:23:41,889
- Yeah.
- Oh, man.
470
00:23:41,923 --> 00:23:43,490
I can't stop thinking
about that movie.
471
00:23:43,524 --> 00:23:45,092
- It was crazy.
- So good, right?
472
00:23:45,126 --> 00:23:47,528
I couldn't believe that Rocky lived.
473
00:23:47,561 --> 00:23:49,496
- Yeah.
- E-even so, I was like,
474
00:23:49,530 --> 00:23:53,401
"That movie's...
really hard to follow."
475
00:23:53,433 --> 00:23:56,337
You know, 'cause it's like, it was
like you think he's gonna be dead
476
00:23:56,370 --> 00:23:58,272
'cause he's all, like,
bloody and stuff.
477
00:23:58,306 --> 00:24:00,408
Then he's just like...
478
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,575
Just like...
479
00:24:01,609 --> 00:24:03,711
Whoa!
480
00:24:03,744 --> 00:24:05,579
And then-- But then
the other guy was like...
481
00:24:05,613 --> 00:24:08,282
And there's blood and all this spit.
482
00:24:10,584 --> 00:24:13,020
- Yeah.
- And it all came out.
483
00:24:13,054 --> 00:24:14,755
It-it was cool.
484
00:24:14,789 --> 00:24:16,691
Remember when the blonde guy...
485
00:24:16,724 --> 00:24:18,225
The Ru-- He's Russian.
486
00:24:18,259 --> 00:24:19,527
I don't know where he's from,
487
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:21,762
but he-he's just like...
488
00:24:21,796 --> 00:24:23,698
I don't think it matters
where he's from.
489
00:24:23,731 --> 00:24:25,766
A-and then--
490
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:29,370
and-and-and he just, like,
punched him so hard.
491
00:24:29,403 --> 00:24:31,872
- Remember that?
- Yeah. It was the climax.
492
00:24:31,906 --> 00:24:33,240
He climaxed?
493
00:24:33,274 --> 00:24:35,643
No, it was the climax of the film.
494
00:24:35,676 --> 00:24:37,312
Yeah, it was so cool.
495
00:24:38,346 --> 00:24:40,681
But I just thought
it was kind of fake.
496
00:24:44,752 --> 00:24:46,253
What, for free?
497
00:24:46,287 --> 00:24:48,155
You know I don't got any bread.
498
00:24:48,189 --> 00:24:51,125
Ah, but you got bacon.
499
00:24:58,032 --> 00:24:59,734
Did you see my new Stryper jacket?
500
00:24:59,767 --> 00:25:00,801
Oh, cool.
501
00:25:00,835 --> 00:25:02,403
- Rock on.
- Yeah.
502
00:25:02,436 --> 00:25:04,939
Well, not--
No, actually.
503
00:25:04,972 --> 00:25:07,608
Rock on without the horns, 'cause...
504
00:25:07,641 --> 00:25:09,877
Hell is for pussies.
505
00:25:11,212 --> 00:25:13,514
It's for--
Heaven's where it's at.
506
00:25:13,547 --> 00:25:15,516
H-have you been saved?
507
00:25:15,549 --> 00:25:17,485
- What?
- Have you been saved?
508
00:25:17,518 --> 00:25:19,320
By Jesus?
509
00:25:19,353 --> 00:25:21,255
No, by Tony Danza.
510
00:25:21,288 --> 00:25:22,823
Yeah, by Jesus.
511
00:25:22,857 --> 00:25:26,127
Um, I-I guess. I'm an altar boy
and I go to church.
512
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:29,030
Good for you. So I guess
we'll be in heaven together,
513
00:25:29,063 --> 00:25:31,532
spitting down
on all those heathens.
514
00:25:31,565 --> 00:25:33,034
Yeah.
515
00:25:33,067 --> 00:25:35,336
You're not doing
Hands Across America either?
516
00:25:35,369 --> 00:25:37,204
- Nah, not this year.
- Yeah.
517
00:25:37,238 --> 00:25:39,508
I asked a bunch of people,
but, um...
518
00:25:39,540 --> 00:25:40,941
Yeah, I...
519
00:25:40,975 --> 00:25:42,710
No one wanted to do it with me.
520
00:25:42,743 --> 00:25:46,180
They already had people that they
were doing hands with, so...
521
00:25:46,213 --> 00:25:48,315
I mean, I understand,
'cause it's kind of like
522
00:25:48,349 --> 00:25:50,684
you have to know somebody
really well
523
00:25:50,718 --> 00:25:53,454
to, like, stand next to somebody
524
00:25:53,487 --> 00:25:55,322
and, like, give them a hand job.
525
00:25:55,356 --> 00:25:58,626
But you know, just for bringing
people together,
526
00:25:58,659 --> 00:26:00,694
it's, like, kind of a lot
to ask, I guess.
527
00:26:05,666 --> 00:26:07,168
- Here we go.
- Thanks.
528
00:26:12,039 --> 00:26:13,474
How many previews
do you think we get?
529
00:26:13,508 --> 00:26:15,042
It's always three.
530
00:26:15,076 --> 00:26:16,944
I hope we get The Fly.
531
00:26:18,547 --> 00:26:20,281
I hope we get Aliens
and Labyrinth.
532
00:26:29,757 --> 00:26:32,693
Her name is Sister Sarah Wallace,
533
00:26:32,726 --> 00:26:35,796
and she is unlike any nun
you've ever met.
534
00:26:37,932 --> 00:26:39,934
- Hey, guys.
- Hi.
535
00:26:39,967 --> 00:26:41,035
- Hi!
- She's young.
536
00:26:42,770 --> 00:26:43,938
She's fun.
537
00:26:50,111 --> 00:26:52,213
Yes! Yes! High five!
538
00:26:54,081 --> 00:26:56,283
And she's got a secret.
539
00:26:59,453 --> 00:27:02,923
They stole all the food
for the orphans!
540
00:27:02,957 --> 00:27:04,191
What are we gonna do?
541
00:27:07,128 --> 00:27:09,630
To feed the hungry kids
at her orphanage,
542
00:27:10,764 --> 00:27:13,234
this naughty nun will develop
543
00:27:13,267 --> 00:27:15,369
some filthy habits.
544
00:27:22,076 --> 00:27:25,279
How come the nuns were never
secret hookers when we were in school?
545
00:27:25,312 --> 00:27:28,816
One time I pulled my pud
to the thought of sex with Sister Anne.
546
00:27:30,585 --> 00:27:32,621
Was guilty as hell afterwards.
547
00:27:32,653 --> 00:27:34,355
You're gonna burn, sinner.
548
00:27:34,388 --> 00:27:35,723
Hey, don't tell anybody
I told you that.
549
00:27:35,756 --> 00:27:37,091
Who would I tell?
550
00:27:37,124 --> 00:27:39,326
You're out here swimming
around in a toilet bowl.
551
00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:41,495
But you're a nun.
Not a hooker!
552
00:27:41,530 --> 00:27:44,465
Well, maybe God
wants me to be both!
553
00:27:44,498 --> 00:27:46,400
A nun by day...
554
00:27:46,433 --> 00:27:48,469
Ready? Yeah!
555
00:27:48,503 --> 00:27:50,838
...and a hooker by night.
556
00:27:50,871 --> 00:27:53,307
Hey, Sister!
557
00:27:53,340 --> 00:27:56,177
I got something for your poor box!
558
00:27:58,212 --> 00:28:00,848
Let's see what's under that wig.
559
00:28:03,518 --> 00:28:05,386
Oh, hell, no!
560
00:28:06,820 --> 00:28:09,323
Say a prayer for...
561
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:20,501
Rated R.
562
00:28:21,570 --> 00:28:22,937
We're definitely seeing that.
563
00:28:22,970 --> 00:28:24,673
Imagine if the nuns
were secret hookers
564
00:28:24,705 --> 00:28:25,806
when we were in school.
565
00:28:25,839 --> 00:28:27,174
Number one,
I already said that.
566
00:28:27,208 --> 00:28:29,109
And number two,
one time Burny jerked off
567
00:28:29,143 --> 00:28:30,444
thinking about sister Anne.
568
00:28:30,477 --> 00:28:31,680
Dude!
569
00:29:09,416 --> 00:29:11,553
"The Health Nut"? Huh.
570
00:29:11,586 --> 00:29:13,220
Get outta here with this shit.
571
00:29:13,254 --> 00:29:15,155
Well, they banned it in Scandinavia.
572
00:29:15,189 --> 00:29:17,525
That slasher isn't fit
573
00:29:17,559 --> 00:29:19,994
to wipe the blood off
the blades of Leatherface,
574
00:29:20,027 --> 00:29:21,730
Michael Myers or Freddy Krueger.
575
00:29:21,762 --> 00:29:24,331
You haven't even seen
the movie yet, Judge Wapner.
576
00:29:24,365 --> 00:29:26,400
I don't need to see the movie,
577
00:29:26,433 --> 00:29:28,369
'cause I'm the greatest
horror movie expert
578
00:29:28,402 --> 00:29:29,870
you've ever met.
579
00:29:29,903 --> 00:29:31,238
Stupid piece of shit.
580
00:29:32,473 --> 00:29:35,075
Question for the expert.
581
00:29:35,109 --> 00:29:37,845
Who wins in a fight
between Jason, Freddy,
582
00:29:37,878 --> 00:29:40,414
Leatherface, and Michael Myers?
583
00:29:40,447 --> 00:29:42,049
My man, Jason Voorhees.
584
00:29:42,082 --> 00:29:44,018
The correct answer to the question
585
00:29:44,051 --> 00:29:46,120
"Who wins in a fight
between Jason, Freddy,
586
00:29:46,153 --> 00:29:48,155
Leatherface, and Michael Myers?" is...
587
00:29:48,188 --> 00:29:49,758
the audience!
588
00:29:49,790 --> 00:29:51,425
We all win.
589
00:29:52,926 --> 00:29:53,827
Idiot.
590
00:30:05,172 --> 00:30:06,473
Morning, gorgeous.
591
00:30:06,508 --> 00:30:09,109
Morning. What'cha havin'?
The usual?
592
00:30:10,578 --> 00:30:13,314
I gotta unload before I reload.
593
00:30:38,005 --> 00:30:39,239
Oh!
594
00:30:39,273 --> 00:30:40,575
Oh, my God!
595
00:30:40,608 --> 00:30:41,810
Oh!
596
00:31:10,237 --> 00:31:12,973
So they crawl up your butt.
597
00:31:13,006 --> 00:31:15,242
Oh, Mr. Wizard over here.
598
00:31:16,243 --> 00:31:18,278
I can't believe
this place is so empty.
599
00:31:18,312 --> 00:31:19,446
When did this come out?
600
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:21,850
Astro Blaster? Back in March.
601
00:31:21,882 --> 00:31:24,619
Remember, we snuck into Highlander
after we saw Astro Blaster?
602
00:31:24,652 --> 00:31:26,721
I remember Burny missing
half of Highlander
603
00:31:26,755 --> 00:31:29,189
because he was feeling up
Susie Bukachyk the whole time.
604
00:31:29,223 --> 00:31:30,991
Eh, Bukachyk's so Catholic,
605
00:31:31,024 --> 00:31:32,861
she only let me touch
her left titty.
606
00:31:32,893 --> 00:31:35,062
That's why he calls her the "Kurgan."
607
00:31:35,095 --> 00:31:36,296
Why?
608
00:31:36,330 --> 00:31:37,732
"There can be only one!"
609
00:31:37,766 --> 00:31:39,166
S...
610
00:31:39,199 --> 00:31:40,901
- Sorry.
- It's starting.
611
00:31:43,705 --> 00:31:45,740
♪ Astro Blaster ♪
612
00:31:45,774 --> 00:31:47,174
♪ And the Beavermen ♪
613
00:31:56,083 --> 00:31:58,720
♪ Astro Blaster ♪
614
00:31:58,753 --> 00:32:01,255
♪ Friend to the Beavermen
and the Beaverwomen ♪
615
00:32:05,794 --> 00:32:07,494
It's Jessica Court.
616
00:32:09,196 --> 00:32:10,397
Watch this.
617
00:32:13,066 --> 00:32:14,903
You got Burned.
618
00:32:14,935 --> 00:32:16,236
Burny!
619
00:32:16,270 --> 00:32:17,705
Who the hell is this?
620
00:32:17,739 --> 00:32:20,542
Oh, this is Burny.
I graduated with his brother.
621
00:32:20,575 --> 00:32:22,844
Uh, Burny, this is Randi.
622
00:32:22,877 --> 00:32:25,847
- Where are you from, hon?
- "Hon"?
623
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:27,515
I'm from the Bay Area.
624
00:32:27,549 --> 00:32:29,049
Bay Avenue?
625
00:32:29,082 --> 00:32:30,384
San Francisco.
626
00:32:30,417 --> 00:32:31,619
Oh, we met at school.
627
00:32:31,653 --> 00:32:32,953
Ah.
628
00:32:32,986 --> 00:32:34,589
So, how's college?
629
00:32:34,622 --> 00:32:36,558
Is it all orgies in the dorms?
630
00:32:36,591 --> 00:32:38,392
Dorms?
We don't live in the dorms.
631
00:32:38,425 --> 00:32:39,627
- My God.
- Shh.
632
00:32:42,095 --> 00:32:44,766
I'm Damocles of the Beavermen,
damn it!
633
00:32:44,799 --> 00:32:46,935
And that means one damn thing.
634
00:32:49,436 --> 00:32:50,971
I rule the beaver.
635
00:32:51,004 --> 00:32:52,507
You haven't seen this yet?
636
00:32:53,741 --> 00:32:55,075
No. Did you?
637
00:32:55,108 --> 00:32:57,277
Yeah. It's stupid.
638
00:32:57,311 --> 00:32:59,213
Like, stupid fun?
639
00:32:59,246 --> 00:33:01,716
Eh. Mm,
it's not as stupid fun
640
00:33:01,749 --> 00:33:04,652
as you and me
making out to Goonies.
641
00:33:04,686 --> 00:33:07,254
Oh. And it was
in the same theater.
642
00:33:07,287 --> 00:33:08,823
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
643
00:33:08,857 --> 00:33:10,825
Maybe we should take
a little walk down memory lane
644
00:33:10,859 --> 00:33:12,125
in the back row, huh?
645
00:33:12,159 --> 00:33:13,628
No way.
646
00:33:13,661 --> 00:33:15,162
I'm here with Randi and Barbara.
647
00:33:15,195 --> 00:33:16,564
So?
648
00:33:16,598 --> 00:33:18,867
I'm here with Brian and Bells.
Who gives a shit?
649
00:33:20,133 --> 00:33:22,537
You know you wanna.
650
00:33:30,612 --> 00:33:33,781
Excuse me. I'm gonna be,
uh, just right back.
651
00:33:33,815 --> 00:33:35,315
You're just flat leaving us?
652
00:33:35,349 --> 00:33:37,150
Is there a Brian David here?
653
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:40,989
I'm looking for Brian David.
654
00:33:41,054 --> 00:33:44,191
Holy shit, I can't hear the movie!
655
00:33:44,224 --> 00:33:46,460
Eat shit, asshole!
656
00:33:46,493 --> 00:33:46,795
Brian David.
657
00:33:47,829 --> 00:33:50,430
Come see the manager
in the lobby, ASAP.
658
00:33:50,464 --> 00:33:52,934
Brian David. Brian David.
659
00:33:52,967 --> 00:33:53,968
Should I go?
660
00:33:55,737 --> 00:33:56,838
Godspeed.
661
00:34:00,474 --> 00:34:03,143
I'm terrified
by what's about to happen.
662
00:34:08,348 --> 00:34:10,652
Uh, I'm Brian David.
663
00:34:10,685 --> 00:34:13,021
So I'm on the phone
with my Paramount rep.
664
00:34:13,053 --> 00:34:14,354
That's Paramount Pictures,
mind you.
665
00:34:14,388 --> 00:34:16,390
Godfather, Godfather Part II.
666
00:34:16,423 --> 00:34:18,660
And all of a sudden,
the operator interrupts us
667
00:34:18,693 --> 00:34:21,228
with an emergency breakthrough
668
00:34:21,261 --> 00:34:22,429
from your mother.
669
00:34:24,032 --> 00:34:26,634
Mom, uh, w-what's wrong?
670
00:34:26,668 --> 00:34:30,170
You are giving this cat a bath
when you get home tonight.
671
00:34:31,039 --> 00:34:34,374
You made an emergency
breakthrough to tell me that?
672
00:34:34,408 --> 00:34:36,376
That's how filthy this cat is!
673
00:34:36,410 --> 00:34:39,814
Cats are self-cleaning, Ma,
and they hate water.
674
00:34:39,847 --> 00:34:42,349
No, that's only in cartoons,
Brian.
675
00:34:42,382 --> 00:34:46,888
Okay, I'll give the cat a bath
when I get home, um, I promise.
676
00:34:46,921 --> 00:34:48,723
- But I gotta go.
- Oh, okay!
677
00:34:48,756 --> 00:34:51,224
Big important man
doesn't have time to talk
678
00:34:51,258 --> 00:34:53,861
to his mother
who gave birth to him.
679
00:34:53,895 --> 00:34:56,931
You know, I lost one
before you and one after you.
680
00:34:56,965 --> 00:34:59,199
I can't really talk about
my dead ghost siblings, Ma.
681
00:34:59,232 --> 00:35:01,201
The manager is waiting
for his phone back.
682
00:35:01,234 --> 00:35:03,071
Well, I was waiting
for a thank-you note
683
00:35:03,103 --> 00:35:04,672
from your cousin Allison,
684
00:35:04,706 --> 00:35:06,608
which just came
in the mail today.
685
00:35:06,641 --> 00:35:08,910
I sent a wedding present
to that dummy
686
00:35:08,943 --> 00:35:11,211
after she eloped with some twerp.
687
00:35:11,244 --> 00:35:12,780
Listen to this BS!
688
00:35:12,814 --> 00:35:14,381
Pardon my French, Blessed Mother.
689
00:35:14,414 --> 00:35:16,618
Listen to this.
"Dear Aunt Grace,
690
00:35:16,651 --> 00:35:18,285
Thank you for the wedding present.
691
00:35:18,318 --> 00:35:20,788
We love the bed linens
from Bradley's,
692
00:35:20,822 --> 00:35:22,389
but when we opened the package,
693
00:35:22,422 --> 00:35:25,258
there were two fitted sheets
and no top sheet.
694
00:35:25,292 --> 00:35:28,896
It's a little hard to sleep
between two fitted sheets,
695
00:35:28,930 --> 00:35:32,299
so we're gonna bring them back
and get a correct set.
696
00:35:32,332 --> 00:35:34,602
Thank you so much, Allison."
697
00:35:34,636 --> 00:35:36,470
"It's a little hard
698
00:35:36,504 --> 00:35:38,106
to sleep between two fitted sheets."
699
00:35:38,138 --> 00:35:39,473
Well, then don't get married!
700
00:35:39,507 --> 00:35:41,208
Ma, the manager's staring at me
701
00:35:41,241 --> 00:35:42,977
because, uh,
we're tying up the phone.
702
00:35:43,011 --> 00:35:45,046
Well, tell him to hold his horses.
703
00:35:45,079 --> 00:35:46,480
I'm not telling him that.
704
00:35:46,514 --> 00:35:48,816
You don't have to.
I can hear her.
705
00:35:48,850 --> 00:35:51,151
He can hear you, Ma.
706
00:35:51,184 --> 00:35:53,588
That means both of you
can hear me when I say,
707
00:35:53,621 --> 00:35:55,455
"Get off the phone
708
00:35:55,489 --> 00:35:58,225
or I'm ejecting you
from the theater!"
709
00:35:58,258 --> 00:35:59,426
I gotta go, Ma.
710
00:35:59,459 --> 00:36:01,129
Well, I love you, tiger.
711
00:36:01,161 --> 00:36:02,462
Okay, I'll see you tonight.
712
00:36:02,496 --> 00:36:04,098
Oh, okay, Fonzie.
713
00:36:04,132 --> 00:36:06,400
Too cool to say "I love you"
back to your mother?
714
00:36:06,433 --> 00:36:07,669
I'm in public, Ma.
715
00:36:07,702 --> 00:36:10,605
Oh, I did 18 hours of labor
in public
716
00:36:10,638 --> 00:36:12,172
bringing you into this world.
717
00:36:12,205 --> 00:36:14,776
Tell her you love her, Fonzie.
718
00:36:14,809 --> 00:36:16,711
I love you. Goodbye, Ma.
719
00:36:18,613 --> 00:36:21,783
Sorry, uh, my mom's
mad at my cousin.
720
00:36:21,816 --> 00:36:25,586
I don't care about
your family ties, Alex P. Keaton.
721
00:36:25,620 --> 00:36:28,388
This isn't the party line
where the action never stops
722
00:36:28,422 --> 00:36:31,125
for 89 cents a minute. This...
723
00:36:31,159 --> 00:36:33,027
is a business phone.
724
00:36:33,061 --> 00:36:36,363
And that business
is show business,
725
00:36:36,396 --> 00:36:39,801
as in lights, camera, and action.
726
00:36:40,934 --> 00:36:42,003
Oh. See?
727
00:36:42,036 --> 00:36:43,838
People trying to call.
728
00:36:43,871 --> 00:36:46,007
Atlantic Cinemas,
where the movies come to play.
729
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,208
Manager Mike speaking.
How can I help you?
730
00:36:48,241 --> 00:36:49,309
It's your mother again.
731
00:36:50,477 --> 00:36:52,212
- Hello?
- You hung up.
732
00:36:52,245 --> 00:36:53,648
I thought we were done.
733
00:36:53,681 --> 00:36:55,016
Since when don't you wait
734
00:36:55,049 --> 00:36:57,151
to hear me say
"I love you too"?
735
00:36:57,185 --> 00:36:59,053
The manager was staring at me.
736
00:36:59,087 --> 00:37:01,122
You could be riding
your bike home tonight
737
00:37:01,155 --> 00:37:02,957
and get run over by a bus.
738
00:37:02,990 --> 00:37:05,560
And as you die there
in the gutter, you'd realize
739
00:37:05,593 --> 00:37:07,461
that you missed your last chance
740
00:37:07,494 --> 00:37:10,330
to hear your only mother say
"I love you."
741
00:37:10,363 --> 00:37:12,466
Ah-- I don't want that!
742
00:37:12,499 --> 00:37:14,468
You don't want what?
Me to get hit by a bus
743
00:37:14,501 --> 00:37:17,370
or me to have regrets when I die
from getting hit by a bus?
744
00:37:17,404 --> 00:37:19,372
Christopher Columbus!
I don't even wanna think
745
00:37:19,406 --> 00:37:20,808
about you getting hit by a bus!
746
00:37:20,842 --> 00:37:22,744
Well, then why'd you say--
Can I go now?
747
00:37:22,777 --> 00:37:24,344
How's the movie?
748
00:37:25,046 --> 00:37:28,216
I don't know! Because I've been
on the phone with you the whole time.
749
00:37:28,916 --> 00:37:30,084
Who's that?
750
00:37:30,118 --> 00:37:31,853
- Your son.
- The short one?
751
00:37:32,386 --> 00:37:33,521
Oh, my God.
752
00:37:33,554 --> 00:37:36,758
Crumbs! You think he's not
self-conscious enough already?
753
00:37:36,791 --> 00:37:39,026
- I thought he was at the movies.
- He's there now.
754
00:37:39,060 --> 00:37:41,028
Ask him if the movie is any good.
755
00:37:41,062 --> 00:37:43,698
Your father wants to know
if your movie's good or not.
756
00:37:43,731 --> 00:37:45,432
I don't know,
757
00:37:45,465 --> 00:37:48,503
because I've been on the phone
with you the whole time.
758
00:37:48,536 --> 00:37:51,338
Listen, I-I love you,
but I gotta go.
759
00:37:51,371 --> 00:37:53,273
I love you too, tiger.
760
00:37:53,306 --> 00:37:56,577
W-w-w-w-whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, what about me?
761
00:37:56,611 --> 00:37:58,278
Yes, I love you too.
762
00:37:58,311 --> 00:38:00,181
Ah, not that.
What does Igor say?
763
00:38:00,214 --> 00:38:02,216
I'm in public, Dad.
764
00:38:02,250 --> 00:38:03,785
What does Igor say?
765
00:38:06,988 --> 00:38:09,891
Good night, Master.
766
00:38:12,827 --> 00:38:14,461
I made him do the Igor.
767
00:38:14,494 --> 00:38:17,131
You're not from around here, stranger.
768
00:38:17,165 --> 00:38:19,801
Why, you don't
even have buck teeth.
769
00:38:21,636 --> 00:38:23,538
Or a tail.
770
00:38:23,571 --> 00:38:25,273
I'm from Earth.
771
00:38:25,305 --> 00:38:26,707
You're from Earth?
772
00:38:26,741 --> 00:38:28,743
Yes. I'm Astro Blaster.
773
00:38:28,776 --> 00:38:30,211
Astro Blaster?
774
00:38:30,244 --> 00:38:33,380
Yeah. I'm the drummer
in a Van Halen cover band.
775
00:38:39,287 --> 00:38:42,957
Man, my mom made an emergency
breakthrough to talk about the cat.
776
00:38:42,990 --> 00:38:44,992
Can you believe that shit?
777
00:38:47,228 --> 00:38:48,930
I said,
"can you believe that shit?"
778
00:38:51,132 --> 00:38:52,967
She called to tell me
how she give the cat--
779
00:38:54,535 --> 00:38:55,903
Oh, my God, you guys--
780
00:38:55,937 --> 00:38:57,839
You guys were doing it right here?
781
00:38:57,872 --> 00:39:00,074
I-in front of Astro Blaster?
782
00:39:00,107 --> 00:39:02,910
A-and the Beavermen? Oh!
783
00:39:02,944 --> 00:39:05,246
In a Van Halen cover band?
784
00:39:05,279 --> 00:39:07,682
Yes. It's a big deal.
785
00:39:07,715 --> 00:39:09,150
It's a big deal?
786
00:39:09,183 --> 00:39:11,319
Yeah, I just said that.
787
00:39:11,351 --> 00:39:12,987
You just said that.
788
00:39:14,989 --> 00:39:17,091
Burny's having sex
during the movie.
789
00:39:17,124 --> 00:39:18,993
The guy's got no respect for cinema.
790
00:39:21,128 --> 00:39:22,330
Am I right, Bells?
853
00:39:23,664 --> 00:39:246,766
Bells?
791
00:39:34,842 --> 00:39:36,744
Mmm.
792
00:39:45,353 --> 00:39:46,486
What'd I miss?
793
00:39:48,756 --> 00:39:49,690
Jesus.
794
00:39:52,827 --> 00:39:55,029
Here's the beef, okay?
795
00:39:55,663 --> 00:39:59,567
We've nearly depleted our entire
strategic popcorn supply.
796
00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:00,902
Do you know what that means?
797
00:40:00,935 --> 00:40:01,969
No.
798
00:40:02,003 --> 00:40:03,971
That means I have to call
799
00:40:04,005 --> 00:40:06,741
every theater in a ten-mile radius
800
00:40:06,774 --> 00:40:08,475
offering crazy money
801
00:40:08,509 --> 00:40:10,845
to buy their crappy popcorn,
802
00:40:10,878 --> 00:40:14,348
only to get laughed at
and mocked by managers
803
00:40:14,382 --> 00:40:18,019
telling me I can't hack it
in the movie biz.
804
00:40:18,052 --> 00:40:21,155
But just when scuzzy old
Strathmore Cinema--
805
00:40:21,188 --> 00:40:23,991
the home of the cruddiest corn
in the country-- is saying yes,
806
00:40:24,025 --> 00:40:26,928
and I am swallowing my pride
807
00:40:26,961 --> 00:40:28,996
to close a deal,
808
00:40:29,030 --> 00:40:30,197
all of a sudden...
809
00:40:33,067 --> 00:40:35,136
I get an emergency breakthrough.
810
00:40:35,870 --> 00:40:37,437
I'm really sorry about my mom.
811
00:40:37,470 --> 00:40:39,273
It's not your mom this time.
812
00:40:39,307 --> 00:40:41,676
Hey, hey.
Have fun. Don't run.
813
00:40:41,709 --> 00:40:44,545
- Hello?
- Hey, Brian, it's Melody.
814
00:40:44,578 --> 00:40:46,247
I'm sorry to call you like this.
815
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:48,416
- Is something wrong?
- A little. Um,
816
00:40:48,448 --> 00:40:50,251
I can't go
to the 4:30 movie with you
817
00:40:50,284 --> 00:40:52,253
because my mom says
I gotta stay home for supper.
818
00:40:52,286 --> 00:40:53,955
But she said I can go
after I eat.
819
00:40:54,588 --> 00:40:55,790
Yeah?
820
00:40:55,823 --> 00:40:58,059
Okay, that's--
that's awesome, uh...
821
00:40:58,092 --> 00:40:59,794
Bucklick plays again at 7:15.
822
00:40:59,827 --> 00:41:03,331
I'll be there around 7:00,
as soon as I'm done with dinner.
823
00:41:03,364 --> 00:41:04,932
You want me to bring you
a pork chop?
824
00:41:04,966 --> 00:41:06,968
"Pork chopsh and appleshaush.
825
00:41:07,001 --> 00:41:08,669
Isn't that shwell?"
826
00:41:10,504 --> 00:41:12,472
What?
827
00:41:12,506 --> 00:41:14,308
That's from The Brady Bunch.
828
00:41:14,342 --> 00:41:18,612
Wow. You sure know a lot
about movies and TV shows.
829
00:41:18,646 --> 00:41:21,415
Hey, I'll see you "latey,"
Peter Brady.
830
00:41:21,449 --> 00:41:22,817
Bye.
831
00:41:26,587 --> 00:41:28,756
Sorry.
832
00:41:28,789 --> 00:41:30,992
"Pork chops and applesauce."
833
00:41:31,826 --> 00:41:32,860
God.
834
00:41:36,130 --> 00:41:38,432
Worst moment of your life
was the day your mom found out
835
00:41:38,466 --> 00:41:40,968
she could make
an emergency breakthrough.
836
00:41:41,002 --> 00:41:43,804
That wasn't my mom.
That was Melody.
837
00:41:43,838 --> 00:41:45,973
She called you at the movies?
838
00:41:46,007 --> 00:41:48,275
"Oh, play Misty for me."
839
00:41:48,309 --> 00:41:50,578
She did tell me she can't come
to the 4:30 movie.
840
00:41:50,611 --> 00:41:52,179
Oh, yeah? Good.
841
00:41:52,213 --> 00:41:53,781
So she's coming to the 7:15 show.
842
00:41:53,814 --> 00:41:56,250
What? Now she's coming to Dental School?
843
00:41:56,283 --> 00:41:58,419
There's gonna be a ton of titties
in that movie, all right?
844
00:41:58,452 --> 00:42:00,187
I'm not trying to be
looking at naked ladies
845
00:42:00,221 --> 00:42:02,089
while I'm sitting next to a girl.
846
00:42:02,123 --> 00:42:05,159
Well, I was gonna say we could go to
the 4:30 movie of Dental School,
847
00:42:05,192 --> 00:42:07,661
and then we all see
Bucklick at 7:15.
848
00:42:07,695 --> 00:42:10,297
Why are we moving
the schedule around
849
00:42:10,331 --> 00:42:12,833
for Melody Barnegat? Hmm?
850
00:42:12,867 --> 00:42:15,403
We're supposed to be
seeing movies today.
851
00:42:16,370 --> 00:42:18,806
You see a lot of this movie
from behind Jessica Court
852
00:42:18,839 --> 00:42:20,374
- or what?
- Okay. S-s-s-see,
853
00:42:20,408 --> 00:42:23,210
that's different, okay?
That wasn't planned.
854
00:42:23,244 --> 00:42:25,713
That's what you'll say about
the kid she's gonna have
in nine months.
855
00:42:25,746 --> 00:42:28,883
Ch'yeah, right.
I wore a rubber.
856
00:42:28,916 --> 00:42:30,785
Who brings rubbers to the movies?
857
00:42:30,818 --> 00:42:32,653
- I do.
- Why?
858
00:42:32,686 --> 00:42:34,989
Because what if
the movie sucks?
859
00:42:35,022 --> 00:42:37,725
You walk out.
You don't pull out.
860
00:42:37,758 --> 00:42:39,693
If I'm wearing a rubber,
861
00:42:39,727 --> 00:42:41,595
why would I pull out?
862
00:42:46,100 --> 00:42:49,370
There's a damn force field
around that damn fortress.
863
00:42:49,403 --> 00:42:51,072
We need to bail out now.
864
00:42:51,105 --> 00:42:53,007
I'm not coming, Damocles.
865
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:54,575
What in the damn hell?
866
00:42:54,608 --> 00:42:56,310
Look, we only got one shot
at this, all right?
867
00:42:56,343 --> 00:42:58,012
So I'm gonna stay here
and steer the ship.
868
00:42:58,045 --> 00:42:59,914
Damn it, man! Why?
869
00:42:59,947 --> 00:43:01,849
Back on Earth,
I'm just a drummer
870
00:43:01,882 --> 00:43:03,884
in a Van Halen cover band, man.
871
00:43:03,918 --> 00:43:08,557
Okay, but here in space,
I can be so much more, Damocles.
872
00:43:08,622 --> 00:43:10,825
I can be the kind of guy
I always wanted to be.
873
00:43:10,858 --> 00:43:13,360
I can be the kind of guy
they call a hero.
874
00:43:13,394 --> 00:43:17,431
Well, since you've made
your damn mind up about it,
875
00:43:17,465 --> 00:43:21,102
then I, Damocles
of the Beavermen,
876
00:43:21,135 --> 00:43:24,539
do hereby swear by
the eternal Morning Wood
877
00:43:24,573 --> 00:43:27,108
that you,
Astro Blaster of Earth,
878
00:43:27,141 --> 00:43:31,546
are the bravest damn hero
in the damn galaxy.
879
00:43:31,580 --> 00:43:34,715
Where I'm from, there's a name
for people like that.
880
00:43:35,749 --> 00:43:37,151
They're called Americans.
881
00:43:38,452 --> 00:43:41,722
Van Halen cover band!
882
00:43:41,755 --> 00:43:44,191
I'm gonna wake up Belly.
The movie's almost over,
883
00:43:44,225 --> 00:43:46,894
so he's gotta go hide in the bathroom
before the lights come up.
884
00:43:50,764 --> 00:43:52,399
Get off my bacon!
885
00:43:52,433 --> 00:43:54,635
Nobody's after your bacon.
886
00:43:54,668 --> 00:43:56,971
Go hide in the bathroom,
meet us in Dental School.
887
00:43:57,004 --> 00:43:58,772
But then I'll miss the end
of the movie.
888
00:43:58,806 --> 00:44:01,375
So? You already slept
through half of it anyways.
889
00:44:01,408 --> 00:44:02,776
Now go.
890
00:44:02,810 --> 00:44:04,579
And don't let
Manager Mike see you.
891
00:44:07,248 --> 00:44:08,315
Stealth.
892
00:44:11,252 --> 00:44:13,654
I love this part. Look.
893
00:44:13,687 --> 00:44:17,458
A drummer always does it
for the beaver.
894
00:44:52,159 --> 00:44:53,727
"Sex poo."
895
00:45:07,841 --> 00:45:09,343
For the beaver!
896
00:45:09,376 --> 00:45:10,945
♪ Astro Blaster! ♪
897
00:45:10,978 --> 00:45:13,814
- Van Halen!
- ♪ And the Beavermen, aah ♪
898
00:45:13,847 --> 00:45:17,652
Van Halen! Van Halen!
899
00:45:20,020 --> 00:45:22,423
Why do we always have to sit
through these stupid credits?
900
00:45:23,592 --> 00:45:25,627
Remember when we saw
Young Sherlock Holmes?
901
00:45:25,660 --> 00:45:27,861
And at the end of the credits
they had one more scene?
902
00:45:27,895 --> 00:45:29,830
That was one
in a million movies,
903
00:45:29,863 --> 00:45:31,332
and that flick flopped.
904
00:45:31,365 --> 00:45:33,033
So they're never gonna be
doing an after-credits scene
905
00:45:33,067 --> 00:45:34,435
in a movie ever again.
906
00:45:36,303 --> 00:45:38,372
See? Waste of time.
907
00:45:41,275 --> 00:45:42,743
We're going for snacks?
908
00:45:42,776 --> 00:45:44,745
- What if Manager Mike sees us?
- Screw that guy.
909
00:45:44,778 --> 00:45:46,681
He's probably porkin'
the popcorn.
910
00:45:46,715 --> 00:45:49,551
Huh? Bopping your baloney
in a public bathroom?!
911
00:45:49,584 --> 00:45:50,918
Open the door, Tommy.
912
00:45:50,951 --> 00:45:53,887
Mashing your monkey?!
Noodling your nugget?!
913
00:45:53,921 --> 00:45:56,190
You are banned for life, playboy.
914
00:45:56,223 --> 00:45:57,791
You disgust me!
915
00:46:00,261 --> 00:46:02,530
Masturbating in a public area
916
00:46:02,564 --> 00:46:05,199
is only fun for one person.
917
00:46:06,133 --> 00:46:07,401
Write that down, Philip.
918
00:46:19,046 --> 00:46:20,447
Meet me out back.
919
00:46:22,483 --> 00:46:24,084
Meet me out back...
920
00:46:24,118 --> 00:46:25,587
again.
921
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:33,227
Enjoy the movie.
922
00:46:35,563 --> 00:46:36,964
Dick.
923
00:46:36,997 --> 00:46:38,533
Hi.
924
00:46:38,566 --> 00:46:40,968
Go away, little girl.
This movie's rated R.
925
00:46:41,736 --> 00:46:45,372
I know. I just wanted
to ask a question.
926
00:46:45,406 --> 00:46:47,107
Why are you talking to me?
No one talks to me.
927
00:46:47,141 --> 00:46:48,510
Yeah, b-but,
I mean, but you--
928
00:46:48,543 --> 00:46:50,110
Is it awesome to work here?
929
00:46:50,144 --> 00:46:53,213
Is it awesome to work here?
No, it sucks to work here.
930
00:46:53,247 --> 00:46:54,716
But you get to see all the movies.
931
00:46:54,749 --> 00:46:57,318
Movies suck. This movie sucks.
932
00:46:57,351 --> 00:46:59,119
Half the town
and their mother is here.
933
00:46:59,153 --> 00:47:01,922
Which is fine, 'cause Americans
have no taste.
934
00:47:01,955 --> 00:47:04,626
You know why?
'Cause Americans have no future.
935
00:47:04,659 --> 00:47:06,460
America sucks.
936
00:47:06,493 --> 00:47:09,597
Now, please, run along.
Change your diaper.
937
00:47:09,631 --> 00:47:11,999
- We don't have a future?
- What are you doing?
938
00:47:12,032 --> 00:47:13,967
- Don't--
- What's going on with your hands?
939
00:47:14,001 --> 00:47:15,670
- Why do you think America sucks?
- You're being really jumpy.
940
00:47:15,704 --> 00:47:17,971
- Since-since when?
- Why are you coming so close to me?
941
00:47:18,005 --> 00:47:19,507
Haven't you even seen The Day After?
942
00:47:20,542 --> 00:47:22,976
If Russia decides
to nuke us, we're done.
943
00:47:23,010 --> 00:47:26,413
Kaput. Kentucky fried chickens.
944
00:47:26,447 --> 00:47:28,817
And I actually welcome it.
I say bring it.
945
00:47:28,849 --> 00:47:32,486
Take me now, so I never have
to see Dental School ever again.
946
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:33,854
You don't like Dental School?
947
00:47:33,887 --> 00:47:35,590
I've never actually seen it.
948
00:47:35,623 --> 00:47:37,925
I just hear it
all day and night.
949
00:47:37,958 --> 00:47:40,361
You're pulling your pud in public?
950
00:47:40,394 --> 00:47:43,631
Public masturbation is only
ever fun for one person
951
00:47:43,665 --> 00:47:45,633
- at a time.
- Shut up!
952
00:47:53,708 --> 00:47:55,710
I mean, if Gorby gets
a hot trigger finger,
953
00:47:55,744 --> 00:47:58,513
we are Canadian bacon
over here in America.
954
00:47:58,546 --> 00:48:00,782
Just crushed.
955
00:48:00,815 --> 00:48:03,852
Isn't there a shield or something?
956
00:48:03,884 --> 00:48:06,220
A shield?
957
00:48:06,253 --> 00:48:08,122
You know anything about Star Wars?
958
00:48:08,155 --> 00:48:09,791
I know everything
about Star Wars.
959
00:48:09,824 --> 00:48:11,559
You do? So then
you know everything
960
00:48:11,593 --> 00:48:13,862
about Reagan's Strategic
Defense Initiative,
961
00:48:13,894 --> 00:48:15,195
the Star Wars program?
962
00:48:16,564 --> 00:48:19,834
Oh, um, what?
I thought you meant--
963
00:48:19,868 --> 00:48:22,704
Oh, oh, you thought I meant
that excruciating space opera.
964
00:48:22,737 --> 00:48:25,740
No, thank you. You know, I thank
our nonexistent God every day
965
00:48:25,774 --> 00:48:28,175
that there will never be
another Star Wars movie made.
966
00:48:28,208 --> 00:48:30,978
We're-- we're at the end
of Star Wars.
967
00:48:31,011 --> 00:48:33,848
You know what I mean?
W-what would they do next?
968
00:48:33,882 --> 00:48:36,917
Go back and start telling us
episode one, two, and three?
969
00:48:36,950 --> 00:48:38,352
Can you imagine
if they were like,
970
00:48:38,385 --> 00:48:40,154
"Let's break it up
into little TV series"?
971
00:48:40,187 --> 00:48:41,556
Pfft. Yeah, right!
972
00:48:41,589 --> 00:48:44,559
I mean, you gotta be
out of your mind.
973
00:48:44,592 --> 00:48:47,094
Like, "We wanna follow
some side stories
974
00:48:47,127 --> 00:48:48,696
of small characters."
975
00:48:48,730 --> 00:48:50,899
Like, "Oh, I wonder
what Boba Fett's doing.
976
00:48:50,931 --> 00:48:52,199
I wanna invest my time in that."
977
00:48:52,232 --> 00:48:54,268
Get out of here!
978
00:48:54,301 --> 00:48:57,672
I don't care about that stuff!
I don't even like Star Wars.
979
00:48:57,705 --> 00:48:58,972
Gotta go!
980
00:48:59,908 --> 00:49:01,275
What an asshole.
981
00:49:01,308 --> 00:49:02,677
I need you to clean
the men's room.
982
00:49:02,710 --> 00:49:04,445
Somebody took a shit in a urinal.
983
00:49:07,114 --> 00:49:09,049
"Somebody" or you, Mike?
984
00:49:13,820 --> 00:49:14,955
Hmm...
985
00:49:15,488 --> 00:49:16,423
Oh.
986
00:49:18,158 --> 00:49:20,294
Uh, what happened?
I had him distracted.
987
00:49:20,327 --> 00:49:23,030
The place was packed.
There's only one seat open.
988
00:49:23,063 --> 00:49:27,034
Because of you and Melody, now we
can't even see Dental School!
989
00:49:27,067 --> 00:49:28,770
You don't hear Belly belly-aching.
990
00:49:28,803 --> 00:49:29,970
Because Belly's an idiot.
991
00:49:30,003 --> 00:49:31,539
No more bacon for Burny.
992
00:49:31,573 --> 00:49:34,274
So? Do you think I give a shit?
993
00:49:34,308 --> 00:49:35,777
Hey!
994
00:49:35,810 --> 00:49:38,412
You just said "shit"
in front of my little sister.
995
00:49:38,445 --> 00:49:39,714
She's only six.
996
00:49:41,081 --> 00:49:43,918
Get out of my face, four eyes.
997
00:49:43,952 --> 00:49:46,053
Hey! What are you--
Let go of me!
998
00:49:46,086 --> 00:49:49,456
Ow! Stop! Get 'em off of me!
999
00:49:52,192 --> 00:49:54,796
Boys, boys, boys.
1000
00:49:56,196 --> 00:49:57,464
In the words of the tagline
1001
00:49:57,498 --> 00:49:59,266
from the Commando poster,
1002
00:49:59,299 --> 00:50:03,738
"Somewhere, somehow,
someone's going to pay".
1003
00:50:05,105 --> 00:50:07,775
What's wrong with you?
Get out! Get-- get out!
1004
00:50:09,042 --> 00:50:11,278
You Three Stooges
are banned for life!
1005
00:50:11,311 --> 00:50:13,581
Suck my left nut!
1006
00:50:13,615 --> 00:50:14,883
Not today.
1007
00:50:20,955 --> 00:50:22,322
Burny, wait!
1008
00:50:24,324 --> 00:50:26,493
Stop holding hands!
1009
00:50:26,528 --> 00:50:28,362
Where are you going?
We gotta fix this!
1010
00:50:28,395 --> 00:50:29,631
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
1011
00:50:29,664 --> 00:50:30,832
Because of you two,
1012
00:50:30,865 --> 00:50:32,499
I just got the shit
kicked out of me
1013
00:50:32,534 --> 00:50:34,101
by three little girls.
1014
00:50:34,134 --> 00:50:35,970
Who cares?
We just got banned for life!
1015
00:50:36,004 --> 00:50:37,672
Yeah. Like Danny Banks.
1016
00:50:37,705 --> 00:50:40,307
How am I supposed to take
Melody to see Bucklick now?
1017
00:50:40,340 --> 00:50:42,476
Melody?
Melody, Melody, Melody!
1018
00:50:42,510 --> 00:50:44,044
Man, this is all her fault!
1019
00:50:44,077 --> 00:50:46,446
How? She's not even here!
1020
00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:49,383
'Cause ever since you asked her
to come to the movies with us,
1021
00:50:49,416 --> 00:50:51,485
we've been moving
everything around for her,
1022
00:50:51,519 --> 00:50:52,954
and now we're banned for life.
1023
00:50:52,987 --> 00:50:55,322
We're banned because
you picked a fight
1024
00:50:55,355 --> 00:50:56,791
- with a nine-year-old!
- Bullshit!
1025
00:50:56,824 --> 00:50:59,459
We would be
in that theater right now
1026
00:50:59,493 --> 00:51:01,194
watching Bucklick,
1027
00:51:01,228 --> 00:51:04,064
but you had to invite Melody!
1028
00:51:04,097 --> 00:51:05,967
Holy shit, what?
What the hell
1029
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:08,335
is your obsession
with Melody Barnegat?
1030
00:51:08,368 --> 00:51:11,706
You're the one obsessed
with Melody Barnegat!
1031
00:51:11,739 --> 00:51:13,741
We just gotta deal with it.
1032
00:51:13,775 --> 00:51:16,911
- Deal with what?!
- That she's a goddamn sophomore!
1033
00:51:16,945 --> 00:51:19,479
Who cares? Big whoop!
We're goddamn juniors!
1034
00:51:19,514 --> 00:51:22,082
But we're gonna be seniors
in September, Bri.
1035
00:51:22,115 --> 00:51:25,019
And then you'll be all like,
"Oh, Melody's a stupid junior.
1036
00:51:25,053 --> 00:51:28,590
- Doodly doodly doo!"
- No, no, no. Don't-- Don't "doodly doo" me, okay?
1037
00:51:28,623 --> 00:51:30,058
You're the one
that's trying to make out
1038
00:51:30,123 --> 00:51:31,759
with this little
Ewok-looking bitch!
1039
00:51:33,928 --> 00:51:34,996
What are you doing?
1040
00:51:35,029 --> 00:51:36,163
What the hell are you doing?
1041
00:51:36,196 --> 00:51:38,866
- We're gonna fight.
- Oh, yeah.
1042
00:51:38,900 --> 00:51:40,535
- We're gonna fight?
- Yeah, we're gonna fight!
1043
00:51:40,568 --> 00:51:43,905
I'm tired of you
making fun of Melody, okay?
1044
00:51:43,938 --> 00:51:45,673
So put up your dukes.
1045
00:51:45,707 --> 00:51:47,909
Put up my dukes.
1046
00:51:47,942 --> 00:51:51,079
If I put up one of my dukes,
I will kill you.
1047
00:51:51,111 --> 00:51:53,447
Come on, guys.
Friends don't fight.
1048
00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:56,884
Friends?!
You call this friendship?
1049
00:51:56,918 --> 00:51:59,053
He cares about his stupid truck
1050
00:51:59,087 --> 00:52:01,089
more than he cares
about my feelings!
1051
00:52:02,289 --> 00:52:04,659
So let's go. Let's go!
1052
00:52:05,893 --> 00:52:06,995
Fight me. I dare you.
1053
00:52:08,963 --> 00:52:11,431
I don't fight midgets.
1054
00:52:15,069 --> 00:52:16,604
You do now.
1055
00:52:16,638 --> 00:52:19,373
- You stupid--
- Hey!
1056
00:52:19,406 --> 00:52:21,475
Hey! Guys! Hey, hey!
1057
00:52:21,509 --> 00:52:23,811
Guys, stop it. Stop it!
1058
00:52:23,845 --> 00:52:26,080
Stop! Stop, stop it!
1059
00:52:26,114 --> 00:52:27,381
Stop it!
1060
00:52:27,414 --> 00:52:30,283
Burny is not obsessed
with Melody Barnegat.
1061
00:52:30,317 --> 00:52:31,552
Thank you, Bells.
1062
00:52:31,586 --> 00:52:32,754
He's threatened by her.
1063
00:52:32,787 --> 00:52:33,921
W-What?
1064
00:52:33,955 --> 00:52:35,288
Why the hell would I be threatened
1065
00:52:35,322 --> 00:52:36,924
by that little carpenter's dream?
1066
00:52:36,958 --> 00:52:38,926
She's as flat as a board
and as easy to nail.
1067
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:41,729
- No, she's not!
- Knock it off.
1068
00:52:41,763 --> 00:52:43,831
Can't you see
Brian idolizes you?
1069
00:52:43,865 --> 00:52:46,100
Idolize Burn Boy?
Oh, I do not.
1070
00:52:46,134 --> 00:52:47,434
Oh, yes, you do.
1071
00:52:47,467 --> 00:52:49,103
You look up to him
because he's confident,
1072
00:52:49,137 --> 00:52:50,571
which is something
you can never be,
1073
00:52:50,605 --> 00:52:51,773
because you think
you're too short.
1074
00:52:51,806 --> 00:52:53,074
He is too short.
1075
00:52:53,107 --> 00:52:54,408
He should be looking at the sky,
1076
00:52:54,441 --> 00:52:56,778
saying "Da plane! Da plane!"
1077
00:52:57,477 --> 00:52:59,179
- Do something!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
1078
00:52:59,212 --> 00:53:00,682
Burny, you keep
running down his dream
1079
00:53:00,715 --> 00:53:02,182
about dating Melody Barnegat,
1080
00:53:02,215 --> 00:53:03,350
all threatened by the girl,
1081
00:53:03,383 --> 00:53:04,952
just because Brian
is in love with her.
1082
00:53:04,986 --> 00:53:07,487
Whoa, I never said I was
in love with Melody Barnegat.
1083
00:53:07,522 --> 00:53:09,624
Uh, well, you are.
1084
00:53:09,657 --> 00:53:11,258
You've been talking about her
since last summer
1085
00:53:11,291 --> 00:53:13,127
'cause she makes you
feel good about yourself.
1086
00:53:13,161 --> 00:53:15,029
She makes you forget
that you think you're short.
1087
00:53:15,063 --> 00:53:16,631
He is short.
He's a four-foot freak.
1088
00:53:16,664 --> 00:53:19,299
- Oh, and you're a control freak.
- Yeah!
1089
00:53:19,332 --> 00:53:21,268
So you're afraid Brian's
gonna start spending
1090
00:53:21,301 --> 00:53:23,538
all his time with Melody
instead of you.
1091
00:53:23,571 --> 00:53:25,305
Yeah, but you can't
admit that to yourself
1092
00:53:25,338 --> 00:53:26,874
because you think being a man
1093
00:53:26,908 --> 00:53:28,676
means being tough
like Major Murder.
1094
00:53:29,977 --> 00:53:31,612
What's tougher
than fighting your friend
1095
00:53:31,646 --> 00:53:32,880
over the woman you love?
1096
00:53:34,816 --> 00:53:36,818
I know you guys think
I'm dumb or something,
1097
00:53:36,851 --> 00:53:38,720
but I am not dumb.
1098
00:53:38,753 --> 00:53:40,487
Okay, I just don't talk
as much as the two of you
1099
00:53:40,521 --> 00:53:42,190
since you guys
never shut the hell up!
1100
00:53:43,091 --> 00:53:44,291
Ah.
1101
00:53:44,324 --> 00:53:45,793
So that gives me
a lot of time to listen,
1102
00:53:45,827 --> 00:53:48,796
and... in all the years
I've been listening,
1103
00:53:48,830 --> 00:53:50,330
here's what I've learned.
1104
00:53:50,363 --> 00:53:51,999
You know movies.
1105
00:53:53,433 --> 00:53:54,969
You know women.
1106
00:53:55,002 --> 00:53:56,504
Yeah, I do.
1107
00:53:56,537 --> 00:53:58,405
But I know you guys
1108
00:53:58,438 --> 00:54:01,175
better than the two of you
know yourselves.
1109
00:54:01,209 --> 00:54:05,680
So it's time for you to stop looking
for Burny's approval on everything.
1110
00:54:05,713 --> 00:54:08,381
It's time for you to start
letting Brian be his own man.
1111
00:54:08,415 --> 00:54:11,152
By all means.
1112
00:54:11,185 --> 00:54:13,554
And it's time both of you
assholes apologize to me
1113
00:54:13,588 --> 00:54:15,223
for making fun of my mom's bacon
1114
00:54:15,255 --> 00:54:17,424
even though you ate
the shit out of it all day!
1115
00:54:19,359 --> 00:54:20,260
You're right.
1116
00:54:34,075 --> 00:54:36,077
Eh...
1117
00:54:42,884 --> 00:54:45,219
Come on. Burny.
1118
00:54:45,253 --> 00:54:46,521
You're adults!
1119
00:54:46,554 --> 00:54:48,156
Stop touching each other!
1120
00:56:00,027 --> 00:56:02,630
Hey-- hey, excuse me?
Excuse me?
1121
00:56:02,663 --> 00:56:04,131
Oh, excuse me!
1122
00:56:04,165 --> 00:56:06,433
Holy shit, it is you!
1123
00:56:06,466 --> 00:56:08,002
You're-- you're Major Murder.
1124
00:56:08,736 --> 00:56:10,304
At ease, ya sleaze.
1125
00:56:10,338 --> 00:56:11,839
I-I-- I'm your biggest fan.
I gotta be honest.
1126
00:56:11,873 --> 00:56:13,107
Um, I know all your fights.
1127
00:56:13,140 --> 00:56:15,710
That's a major thank you
from Major Murder.
1128
00:56:15,743 --> 00:56:18,145
But, uh, I'm here to see
someone really special.
1129
00:56:22,650 --> 00:56:24,652
Ahh. Is that your daughter?
1130
00:56:24,685 --> 00:56:26,954
My daughter? It's my wife.
1131
00:56:26,988 --> 00:56:30,758
I'm sorry, she just looks
a lot younger than you...
1132
00:56:30,791 --> 00:56:32,193
That's depressing.
1133
00:56:32,226 --> 00:56:33,995
Do I really look
that much older than her?
1134
00:56:34,028 --> 00:56:36,197
- Uh...
- Just-- Must be all the steroids,
1135
00:56:36,230 --> 00:56:38,633
'cause Rosie and I went
to high school together.
1136
00:56:38,666 --> 00:56:40,868
We started dating when I was
a junior and she was a sophomore.
1137
00:56:40,902 --> 00:56:43,537
All my pals used to razz me
about her being younger.
1138
00:56:43,571 --> 00:56:46,974
Ha. I-I'm sure you Major Murdered
those guys, huh?
1139
00:56:47,008 --> 00:56:48,876
Actually, I just cried a lot.
1140
00:56:48,910 --> 00:56:51,012
I may not look like it now,
but back in high school,
1141
00:56:51,045 --> 00:56:53,214
I was a very sensitive fat kid.
1142
00:56:53,247 --> 00:56:56,183
- Bullshit.
- No, no, real shit.
1143
00:56:56,217 --> 00:56:57,718
You know, my name's Albert,
1144
00:56:57,752 --> 00:56:59,320
so I'd get called Fat Albert
1145
00:56:59,353 --> 00:57:01,322
because of the cartoon?
1146
00:57:01,355 --> 00:57:02,890
Ah, Bill Cosby.
1147
00:57:02,924 --> 00:57:04,358
Now that's an American treasure.
1148
00:57:05,092 --> 00:57:06,060
Ah,
1149
00:57:06,093 --> 00:57:08,696
that man will always be beloved.
1150
00:57:08,729 --> 00:57:10,097
So you know,
back in high school,
1151
00:57:10,131 --> 00:57:12,033
I was always very sensitive
about my weight.
1152
00:57:12,066 --> 00:57:14,402
But Rosie...
1153
00:57:14,434 --> 00:57:16,570
she always made me forget
I was fat.
1154
00:57:16,604 --> 00:57:18,706
She always made me
feel like I was thin.
1155
00:57:18,739 --> 00:57:20,741
So you made her
Mrs. Major Murder?
1156
00:57:20,775 --> 00:57:23,177
Well, actually,
Mrs. Albert Holstein.
1157
00:57:23,210 --> 00:57:25,680
Major Murder's real name
is Albert Holstein?
1158
00:57:25,713 --> 00:57:28,783
Yeah. Uh, and a Holstein
is a kind of cow?
1159
00:57:28,816 --> 00:57:30,217
So, uh, you know,
1160
00:57:30,251 --> 00:57:32,420
in high school, there was
a lot of, uh, cow names.
1161
00:57:32,452 --> 00:57:34,755
- Cow names?
- Yeah, like,
1162
00:57:34,789 --> 00:57:38,458
the Moo Man, you know,
Mr. Steak, Udder Buddy.
1163
00:57:38,491 --> 00:57:39,894
You know, I'd get Hugh Heifer.
1164
00:57:41,095 --> 00:57:43,463
I'd get, uh, Pasture Ass.
1165
00:57:43,496 --> 00:57:45,533
I-I'd get Milky Tits.
1166
00:57:45,566 --> 00:57:47,401
Cow Pie.
1167
00:57:47,435 --> 00:57:50,438
Yeah, just a lot
of cow-themed cruelty.
1168
00:57:50,970 --> 00:57:51,906
Ah.
1169
00:57:57,511 --> 00:57:59,680
Hey. Thanks for being a fan.
1170
00:57:59,714 --> 00:58:02,183
And, uh, please don't tell
anybody how I really talk.
1171
00:58:03,517 --> 00:58:05,152
Uh, or about the cow names.
1172
00:58:11,359 --> 00:58:12,460
Yo, Major.
1173
00:58:14,161 --> 00:58:17,331
You gonna go storm those cheeks
like it's Omaha Beach?
1174
00:58:17,365 --> 00:58:19,233
If you have to ask,
1175
00:58:19,266 --> 00:58:22,036
then you ain't up
to the task, soldier!
1176
00:59:10,651 --> 00:59:12,386
What are you doing back here?
1177
00:59:12,420 --> 00:59:14,655
Your ass is banned.
1178
00:59:14,688 --> 00:59:16,724
Which means my life
is pretty much over.
1179
00:59:18,859 --> 00:59:21,195
So I'm just thinking about
hurling myself down the stairs.
1180
00:59:22,563 --> 00:59:24,265
Who are you, Father Karras?
1181
00:59:26,867 --> 00:59:28,803
Is that an Exorcist joke?
1182
00:59:28,836 --> 00:59:31,172
Well, it's not an Exorcist II:
The Heretic joke.
1183
00:59:31,205 --> 00:59:32,840
I respect John Boorman too much.
1184
00:59:34,543 --> 00:59:36,043
You know who John Boorman is?
1185
00:59:38,045 --> 00:59:43,050
Anáil nathrach orth bhais betha,
do cheol déanta.
1186
00:59:44,752 --> 00:59:46,187
Holy shit.
1187
00:59:51,959 --> 00:59:53,194
The Charm of Making.
1188
00:59:54,529 --> 00:59:55,496
You've seen Excalibur?
1189
00:59:55,530 --> 00:59:58,032
You think I make $3.05 an hour
1190
00:59:58,065 --> 00:59:59,934
because I can't get a real job?
1191
00:59:59,967 --> 01:00:02,002
Movies are my life, dude.
1192
01:00:02,036 --> 01:00:03,538
That's why you work here.
1193
01:00:03,572 --> 01:00:05,706
No. That's why I'm leaving here.
1194
01:00:05,739 --> 01:00:07,542
I'm moving to Providence
next week.
1195
01:00:07,576 --> 01:00:08,909
What's in Providence?
1196
01:00:09,777 --> 01:00:12,246
I'm gonna the Rhode Island
School of Design,
1197
01:00:12,279 --> 01:00:13,714
like Martha Coolidge.
1198
01:00:13,747 --> 01:00:16,350
Martha Coolidge, the director?
1199
01:00:16,383 --> 01:00:18,686
Yeah. You know
who Martha Coolidge is?
1200
01:00:18,719 --> 01:00:20,688
Yeah. Movies are my life too.
1201
01:00:20,721 --> 01:00:22,256
Valley Girl is in my top ten.
1202
01:00:22,289 --> 01:00:24,091
That guy, Nic Cage,
is a genius.
1203
01:00:24,125 --> 01:00:25,560
- Yeah.
- Have you seen Birdy?
1204
01:00:25,594 --> 01:00:27,795
Oh, yeah, I've seen
every Alan Parker film.
1205
01:00:27,828 --> 01:00:29,598
You know who Alan Parker is?
1206
01:00:29,630 --> 01:00:33,367
Duh. Fame and The Wall
are so rad.
1207
01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:36,403
But Martha Coolidge, man,
she's my idol.
1208
01:00:36,437 --> 01:00:38,205
I wanna be a director
like her.
1209
01:00:38,239 --> 01:00:39,940
This is--
This is so cool, uh,
1210
01:00:39,974 --> 01:00:42,443
I've never met anyone who wanted
to be a director before.
1211
01:00:43,410 --> 01:00:44,945
Sure you have.
1212
01:00:44,979 --> 01:00:46,247
Just look in the mirror.
1213
01:00:48,949 --> 01:00:49,850
Me?
1214
01:00:50,619 --> 01:00:52,820
A-a director? Nah.
1215
01:00:52,853 --> 01:00:54,655
I just-- I just love
going to the movies.
1216
01:00:54,688 --> 01:00:56,757
Yeah, man, that's how it starts.
1217
01:00:58,627 --> 01:01:00,794
Most people come to movies
to escape their lives,
1218
01:01:00,828 --> 01:01:02,930
but people like us,
1219
01:01:02,963 --> 01:01:06,635
we come here because
movies make life make sense.
1220
01:01:07,868 --> 01:01:10,838
Out here, man,
world's full of lies.
1221
01:01:11,705 --> 01:01:15,442
But in there, they tell
the lie that tells the truth.
1222
01:01:15,476 --> 01:01:18,045
And the truth about you and me
is we're filmmakers.
1223
01:01:20,114 --> 01:01:21,916
We just haven't made our films.
1224
01:01:23,450 --> 01:01:24,485
Yet.
1225
01:01:34,728 --> 01:01:35,729
"Yet."
1226
01:01:55,249 --> 01:01:56,383
Whoa.
1227
01:02:03,924 --> 01:02:05,359
That girl's real, right?
1228
01:02:07,494 --> 01:02:08,563
Thanks.
1229
01:02:13,901 --> 01:02:15,970
Hi, Melody Barnegat.
1230
01:02:16,003 --> 01:02:17,871
Hi, Brian David.
1231
01:02:19,006 --> 01:02:20,542
You look...
1232
01:02:20,575 --> 01:02:22,176
resplendent.
1233
01:02:22,209 --> 01:02:25,580
"Resplendent"?
Okay, Doctor Dictionary.
1234
01:02:27,181 --> 01:02:28,882
- Let's go see Bucklick.
- Uh...
1235
01:02:29,850 --> 01:02:32,019
I-I don't think we can get in.
1236
01:02:32,052 --> 01:02:33,287
Because it's rated R?
1237
01:02:34,855 --> 01:02:36,957
Well, more because I got banned.
1238
01:02:38,125 --> 01:02:40,794
Oh, my God.
Like Danny Banks?
1239
01:02:42,229 --> 01:02:43,364
Kinda.
1240
01:02:43,397 --> 01:02:45,065
So, how are we
gonna see Bucklick?
1241
01:02:50,371 --> 01:02:51,573
I have an idea.
1242
01:03:02,082 --> 01:03:04,653
Huh. Strathmore Cinema City.
1243
01:03:05,587 --> 01:03:06,954
Give me a second.
1244
01:03:07,788 --> 01:03:08,789
Okay.
1245
01:03:12,826 --> 01:03:15,229
Excuse me, Manager Mike.
1246
01:03:15,262 --> 01:03:17,097
Oh, oh.
1247
01:03:17,131 --> 01:03:19,466
Little kid I just banned. Hi.
1248
01:03:19,500 --> 01:03:21,636
I wanted to ask you about that.
1249
01:03:21,670 --> 01:03:22,970
Mm-hmm?
1250
01:03:23,003 --> 01:03:26,307
I know me and my friends
were obnoxious today.
1251
01:03:27,975 --> 01:03:31,145
But I stand here before you
as a man...
1252
01:03:31,178 --> 01:03:32,747
Wow.
1253
01:03:32,781 --> 01:03:34,081
...to beg you to lift the ban.
1254
01:03:34,114 --> 01:03:35,617
And why would I do that?
1255
01:03:36,618 --> 01:03:38,252
You see that girl?
1256
01:03:38,285 --> 01:03:40,254
- Yeah.
- That's Melody Barnegat.
1257
01:03:42,022 --> 01:03:43,957
The raddest woman I ever met.
1258
01:03:45,492 --> 01:03:48,896
And last summer,
I was too scared to ask her out.
1259
01:03:48,929 --> 01:03:52,266
But this morning,
I invited her to the movies
1260
01:03:52,299 --> 01:03:55,235
at your theater, and...
and she said "yes."
1261
01:03:55,269 --> 01:03:56,337
Congratulations.
1262
01:03:57,838 --> 01:03:59,641
This could be
the greatest night of my life.
1263
01:04:01,375 --> 01:04:03,143
Please lift the ban
this one time
1264
01:04:03,177 --> 01:04:04,813
so we can go to the movies.
I mean,
1265
01:04:04,845 --> 01:04:07,782
it'd mean everything to me,
and-and I'll do anything.
1266
01:04:07,816 --> 01:04:10,150
I'll-I'll even work here
for free or-or something.
1267
01:04:11,553 --> 01:04:13,987
Please, sir.
1268
01:04:15,389 --> 01:04:16,558
What do you say?
1269
01:04:19,627 --> 01:04:21,428
Tsk. What do I say?
1270
01:04:21,462 --> 01:04:24,532
Well, when you put it like that...
1271
01:04:24,566 --> 01:04:27,301
I say, Munchkins
from the merry old land of Oz
1272
01:04:27,334 --> 01:04:29,136
belong on the movie screen,
1273
01:04:29,169 --> 01:04:31,706
not in my movie theater.
1274
01:04:37,612 --> 01:04:41,014
Hey. Hey, listen up, loser.
1275
01:04:41,048 --> 01:04:44,151
You know, you got a lot of balls
calling this guy Munchkin
1276
01:04:44,184 --> 01:04:46,053
when you're short as shit yourself.
1277
01:04:48,188 --> 01:04:50,592
Wow. Tsk. Wow.
1278
01:04:52,192 --> 01:04:54,228
You remind me of my daughter.
1279
01:04:55,597 --> 01:04:58,867
I hate my daughter.
1280
01:04:58,899 --> 01:05:01,569
And you got a lot of nerve
1281
01:05:01,603 --> 01:05:04,171
talking to me like that, Minnie Mouse.
1282
01:05:04,204 --> 01:05:07,374
I'm in the movie business.
I talk to studios.
1283
01:05:07,408 --> 01:05:10,645
So, you're just a little kid
1284
01:05:10,678 --> 01:05:14,381
who looks like a daughter
that I can't stand.
1285
01:05:14,415 --> 01:05:15,884
So what do you know?
1286
01:05:17,017 --> 01:05:20,855
I know you don't know shit
about the movie business.
1287
01:05:20,889 --> 01:05:22,990
Because if you did,
you wouldn't act like such a poser
1288
01:05:23,023 --> 01:05:25,627
and drive around
in your stupid-looking Moviemobile.
1289
01:05:26,260 --> 01:05:28,996
- Okay?
- He's not a Munchkin.
1290
01:05:29,029 --> 01:05:30,899
He's a nice guy.
1291
01:05:30,931 --> 01:05:33,868
Something you don't understand at all
because you are an asshole.
1292
01:05:40,742 --> 01:05:42,744
Well, let me tell you something,
little girl.
1293
01:05:42,777 --> 01:05:46,113
Now you're banned, for life too!
1294
01:05:46,146 --> 01:05:48,783
You and Bilbo Baggins here
1295
01:05:48,817 --> 01:05:51,952
are never getting inside
my movie theater ever again.
1296
01:05:51,985 --> 01:05:55,723
Clap to that! Clap to that.
1297
01:06:15,342 --> 01:06:16,711
Ahh! Oh, my God!
1298
01:06:17,544 --> 01:06:18,746
Oh, my...!
1299
01:06:18,780 --> 01:06:22,884
Ahh! My Moviemobile!
1300
01:06:22,917 --> 01:06:24,251
No!
1301
01:06:25,252 --> 01:06:26,721
No!
1302
01:06:26,754 --> 01:06:27,922
- You okay?
- Yeah.
1303
01:06:27,956 --> 01:06:29,557
Get inside.
1304
01:06:29,591 --> 01:06:31,559
But Burny just crashed his Truckster
into the Moviemobile!
1305
01:06:31,593 --> 01:06:34,394
As a distraction
so you guys can get inside.
1306
01:06:34,428 --> 01:06:36,330
So get inside.
1307
01:06:43,805 --> 01:06:47,207
Oh, this stupid car hit my truck!
1308
01:06:49,376 --> 01:06:52,814
I only had eight more payments on it!
1309
01:06:54,616 --> 01:06:55,984
Only eight!
1310
01:06:57,284 --> 01:06:59,319
Oh, my God!
1311
01:07:01,154 --> 01:07:04,592
Hey, Pat Benatar. This is
a rated R movie. Can't come in here.
1312
01:07:04,626 --> 01:07:06,360
Some guy just crashed
into the Moviemobile.
1313
01:07:06,393 --> 01:07:09,664
No way, really?!
Ha ha! There is a God!
1314
01:07:11,198 --> 01:07:14,201
Come here, yeah.
1315
01:07:14,234 --> 01:07:17,005
Here! Sorry. Excuse me.
1316
01:07:17,037 --> 01:07:18,038
Excuse me.
1317
01:07:20,642 --> 01:07:22,175
Holy shit.
1318
01:07:22,209 --> 01:07:25,813
That was the most amazing
thing I ever saw.
1319
01:07:25,847 --> 01:07:28,616
You totally tore
that asshole a new asshole.
1320
01:07:28,650 --> 01:07:31,853
He deserves it.
I hate bullies.
1321
01:07:34,154 --> 01:07:36,558
You're amazing.
Melody Barnegat.
1322
01:07:41,763 --> 01:07:42,897
Took all day.
1323
01:07:43,831 --> 01:07:45,033
But here we are.
1324
01:07:49,938 --> 01:07:52,874
We're finally gonna see
our 4:30 movie,
1325
01:07:52,907 --> 01:07:54,642
and nobody's gonna stop us.
1326
01:07:54,676 --> 01:07:55,910
Is that so?
1327
01:07:57,444 --> 01:07:58,813
Mom?
1328
01:07:58,846 --> 01:08:00,247
What the hell
are you doing here?
1329
01:08:01,281 --> 01:08:02,817
We're here to see Astro Blaster.
1330
01:08:02,850 --> 01:08:04,586
You're so full of shit,
your eyes are brown.
1331
01:08:04,619 --> 01:08:07,522
This isn't Astro Blaster.
This is Bucklick,
1332
01:08:07,555 --> 01:08:09,389
and Bucklick is rated R.
1333
01:08:09,423 --> 01:08:12,225
Ooh, what are you
doing here, Melody?
1334
01:08:12,259 --> 01:08:13,427
Bucklick is rated R.
1335
01:08:13,460 --> 01:08:15,029
She said she's gonna
see Astro Blaster,
1336
01:08:15,063 --> 01:08:17,832
but she's sneaking
into R-rated movies with this guy.
1337
01:08:17,865 --> 01:08:20,902
Oh, so much drama.
We're supposed to be seeing a comedy.
1338
01:08:20,935 --> 01:08:23,571
See, this is why I told you
we should have gone home
1339
01:08:23,605 --> 01:08:25,405
when Poltergeist 2
wasn't playing, but...
1340
01:08:27,474 --> 01:08:28,543
Wait a minute.
1341
01:08:29,577 --> 01:08:32,580
You came to see Poltergeist 2
with Aunt Connie?
1342
01:08:32,614 --> 01:08:34,616
You said you had
to see it with me.
1343
01:08:34,649 --> 01:08:36,383
Okay, don't-don't turn
this around, okay?
1344
01:08:36,416 --> 01:08:37,819
You're the one
in trouble here, missy.
1345
01:08:39,286 --> 01:08:42,289
I will deal you after Bucklick.
1346
01:08:42,322 --> 01:08:44,726
Get the hell out of here before
I call the manager and have you banned.
1347
01:08:44,759 --> 01:08:47,260
This is so unfair.
1348
01:08:47,294 --> 01:08:49,229
Can you believe this?
1349
01:08:49,262 --> 01:08:51,099
I mean, it's kind of cute.
1350
01:08:52,466 --> 01:08:54,702
- Your mom looks pretty pissed.
- She's pissed?
1351
01:08:54,736 --> 01:08:56,571
Well, I'm pissed too.
Who does she think she is,
1352
01:08:56,604 --> 01:08:59,373
yelling at me in front of you
and everybody in the theater?
1353
01:08:59,406 --> 01:09:01,876
She's the one trying to see
Poltergeist 2 without me.
1354
01:09:01,809 --> 01:09:03,276
What do you wanna do?
1355
01:09:03,310 --> 01:09:06,581
Have sex and get pregnant.
That'll show her.
1356
01:09:06,614 --> 01:09:09,149
- If that's what you need...
- I wouldn't give her the satisfaction.
1357
01:09:09,182 --> 01:09:10,918
Yeah. Wait, are you sure?
1358
01:09:10,952 --> 01:09:12,920
Let's go.
1359
01:09:12,954 --> 01:09:16,124
She treats me like I'm a baby.
1360
01:09:16,156 --> 01:09:17,959
I can't stand it.
1361
01:09:17,992 --> 01:09:20,895
Shouldn't we get you home
so you don't get in trouble?
1362
01:09:20,928 --> 01:09:22,362
No, I'm already in trouble.
1363
01:09:23,296 --> 01:09:26,701
And the minute I get home, I'm gonna
be grounded for the rest of my life.
1364
01:09:33,306 --> 01:09:35,143
So I might as well enjoy today.
1365
01:09:37,477 --> 01:09:38,546
Race you!
1366
01:09:39,479 --> 01:09:40,848
What? What?
1367
01:09:51,125 --> 01:09:53,127
Doesn't it feel great to run?
1368
01:09:55,395 --> 01:09:57,865
Says someone on cross country.
1369
01:09:57,899 --> 01:10:00,668
I think I'm having a heart attack.
1370
01:10:00,702 --> 01:10:03,203
Raise your arms above your head.
1371
01:10:06,674 --> 01:10:07,675
Yeah.
1372
01:10:13,213 --> 01:10:16,416
You ever think about what you wanna be
when you grow up, Brian David?
1373
01:10:18,318 --> 01:10:19,352
Sometimes.
1374
01:10:20,688 --> 01:10:22,657
What do you wanna be?
1375
01:10:24,491 --> 01:10:25,927
I wanna be a dean.
1376
01:10:27,494 --> 01:10:29,697
Like a dean at a college?
1377
01:10:31,065 --> 01:10:33,000
You wanna be the guy
that's always giving
1378
01:10:33,034 --> 01:10:35,002
Animal House a hard time?
1379
01:10:35,036 --> 01:10:36,104
No.
1380
01:10:37,370 --> 01:10:39,140
I wanna be the girl
that's always giving
1381
01:10:39,173 --> 01:10:40,708
Animal House a hard time.
1382
01:10:43,544 --> 01:10:46,581
I never knew anybody
who wanted to be a dean.
1383
01:10:46,614 --> 01:10:47,682
That's so...
1384
01:10:49,183 --> 01:10:50,084
weird.
1385
01:10:52,019 --> 01:10:54,055
So what do you wanna do?
1386
01:10:54,088 --> 01:10:55,923
- Well...
- And don't say me.
1387
01:11:01,963 --> 01:11:03,231
I wanna be a writer.
1388
01:11:04,297 --> 01:11:05,398
Well, I think.
1389
01:11:05,432 --> 01:11:07,034
I can see that.
1390
01:11:10,037 --> 01:11:11,672
I love to read
the stuff you wrote
1391
01:11:11,706 --> 01:11:13,207
in my yearbook last summer.
1392
01:11:14,542 --> 01:11:16,343
- What?
- You started out making fun
1393
01:11:16,376 --> 01:11:17,879
of what everybody else said.
1394
01:11:18,780 --> 01:11:20,447
You wrote...
1395
01:11:20,480 --> 01:11:22,415
"Have a great summer."
1396
01:11:22,449 --> 01:11:25,953
"See you over the summer.
Summerly yours."
1397
01:11:26,921 --> 01:11:29,690
And then I signed it "Summer."
1398
01:11:29,724 --> 01:11:31,159
I was hysterical.
1399
01:11:34,562 --> 01:11:37,265
But then you filled
a whole page
1400
01:11:37,297 --> 01:11:40,001
telling me how adorable I am.
1401
01:11:42,170 --> 01:11:44,772
And how I'm super nice
and smart.
1402
01:11:48,509 --> 01:11:49,777
My mom read it.
1403
01:11:51,478 --> 01:11:53,080
And she said it was beautiful.
1404
01:11:56,017 --> 01:12:00,121
So, yeah, you're totally
gonna be a writer someday.
1405
01:12:02,290 --> 01:12:03,191
Man.
1406
01:12:05,259 --> 01:12:06,727
I-- How do you--
1407
01:12:06,761 --> 01:12:08,095
You're always so positive.
1408
01:12:09,096 --> 01:12:10,932
Not as much as I'm not negative.
1409
01:12:12,332 --> 01:12:14,735
Does anything make you sad?
1410
01:12:14,769 --> 01:12:17,104
Like, what about nuclear war?
1411
01:12:18,471 --> 01:12:20,908
If the Russians dropped
the bomb on us today,
1412
01:12:20,942 --> 01:12:22,342
my mom can't ground me.
1413
01:12:24,278 --> 01:12:27,315
See, you do that. You're--
1414
01:12:27,347 --> 01:12:28,816
You're all about the silver lining.
1415
01:12:30,117 --> 01:12:31,986
Like...
1416
01:12:32,019 --> 01:12:33,855
everything went wrong
for me today.
1417
01:12:34,956 --> 01:12:38,693
But then you came along
and made it all better.
1418
01:12:40,027 --> 01:12:42,296
If everything went right today,
1419
01:12:42,330 --> 01:12:44,332
you and me would be watching Bucklick.
1420
01:12:46,399 --> 01:12:48,401
But this is way better.
1421
01:12:50,204 --> 01:12:51,839
Or is it almost perfect?
1422
01:12:53,875 --> 01:12:54,809
Yeah?
1423
01:12:56,244 --> 01:12:57,245
Yeah.
1424
01:13:05,152 --> 01:13:06,187
Then...
1425
01:13:09,357 --> 01:13:12,827
Will you go out with me,
Melody Barnegat?
1426
01:13:12,860 --> 01:13:15,329
We are out, Brian David.
1427
01:13:16,264 --> 01:13:17,865
I mean, as boyfriend-girlfriend.
1428
01:13:17,899 --> 01:13:19,700
I know what you meant.
1429
01:13:24,171 --> 01:13:25,438
But I don't know.
1430
01:13:31,444 --> 01:13:32,680
Is it 'cause I'm short?
1431
01:13:33,547 --> 01:13:35,349
Jesus.
1432
01:13:35,383 --> 01:13:37,818
Would you stop with that shit?
1433
01:13:37,852 --> 01:13:40,521
I don't think of you as short.
1434
01:13:40,554 --> 01:13:42,123
Then what do you think of me as?
1435
01:13:44,058 --> 01:13:45,626
I think of you as...
1436
01:13:48,329 --> 01:13:50,765
the most interesting guy
I ever met.
1437
01:13:53,968 --> 01:13:55,803
All this stuff you talk about.
1438
01:13:57,738 --> 01:13:59,607
The way you see the world.
1439
01:14:00,775 --> 01:14:02,576
What you wrote in my yearbook.
1440
01:14:06,580 --> 01:14:07,915
You always make me think.
1441
01:14:09,884 --> 01:14:11,118
And laugh.
1442
01:14:12,520 --> 01:14:15,222
And you're, like,
the funniest person I know.
1443
01:14:15,256 --> 01:14:16,257
Yeah?
1444
01:14:20,027 --> 01:14:21,796
The only place you come up short...
1445
01:14:22,997 --> 01:14:25,333
is in how little you know
about girls.
1446
01:14:26,801 --> 01:14:29,136
Because I was gonna let you
get to second base
1447
01:14:29,170 --> 01:14:30,938
in my pool last summer...
1448
01:14:32,106 --> 01:14:34,141
and then I never heard
from you again.
1449
01:14:35,643 --> 01:14:36,944
Until today.
1450
01:14:36,978 --> 01:14:38,612
Yeah, but I-I've been
thinking about you
1451
01:14:38,646 --> 01:14:39,914
ever since that day.
1452
01:14:39,947 --> 01:14:42,450
You're so full of shit,
your eyes are brown.
1453
01:14:44,285 --> 01:14:48,522
You really expect me to believe
you thought about me for an entire year?
1454
01:14:49,523 --> 01:14:51,092
Or ever?
1455
01:14:56,030 --> 01:14:57,999
Oh, my God.
Are you, like, pulling it out?
1456
01:15:02,636 --> 01:15:03,971
Is that a tape recorder?
1457
01:15:05,006 --> 01:15:07,108
It's a writing thing.
1458
01:15:08,042 --> 01:15:10,411
I read that real writers
use a tape recorder
1459
01:15:10,444 --> 01:15:12,713
to help them organize
important thoughts.
1460
01:15:14,448 --> 01:15:15,983
Important thoughts like this.
1461
01:15:17,318 --> 01:15:19,253
Beatbox Bri, take one!
1462
01:15:19,286 --> 01:15:21,122
Um... Shit, uh...
1463
01:15:21,155 --> 01:15:23,124
Hold on, um...
1464
01:15:23,157 --> 01:15:24,191
I meant this.
1465
01:15:26,761 --> 01:15:29,263
I finally called Melody Barnegat
1466
01:15:29,296 --> 01:15:32,033
and invited her out
to the movies. Why...
1467
01:15:33,200 --> 01:15:34,568
you ask?
1468
01:15:35,236 --> 01:15:36,303
One word.
1469
01:15:37,671 --> 01:15:38,672
Love.
1470
01:15:40,741 --> 01:15:42,843
I got a 24-karat case of love.
1471
01:15:50,184 --> 01:15:52,653
You're, like,
the coolest girl I ever met.
1472
01:15:55,689 --> 01:15:59,493
And all I wanna do
is watch movies with you.
1473
01:16:03,998 --> 01:16:06,535
I wanna watch movies with you, too.
1474
01:16:36,130 --> 01:16:39,568
So does this... mean we're
boyfriend-girlfriend now?
1475
01:16:42,403 --> 01:16:44,738
I hope so.
1476
01:16:44,772 --> 01:16:47,741
Because if I was ever
gonna make a movie about today,
1477
01:16:47,775 --> 01:16:49,610
that's how I'd want
the movie to end.
1478
01:16:50,744 --> 01:16:54,048
Yeah? You think today
could ever be a movie?
1479
01:16:55,249 --> 01:16:56,784
As long as there are end credits,
1480
01:16:56,817 --> 01:16:58,385
and a song,
1481
01:16:58,419 --> 01:17:00,054
today could totally be a movie.
1482
01:17:49,270 --> 01:17:50,504
Yes or no?
1483
01:17:51,506 --> 01:17:53,642
- I say yes.
- Why?
1484
01:17:53,674 --> 01:17:55,843
Because I can tell
you really wanna do it.
1485
01:17:55,876 --> 01:17:57,244
But what if I'm not good at it?
1486
01:17:57,278 --> 01:17:58,746
Then I can teach you.
1487
01:17:58,779 --> 01:18:00,114
I have experience.
1488
01:18:01,015 --> 01:18:03,417
And I'm like... a virgin.
1489
01:18:03,450 --> 01:18:04,785
Yeah!
1490
01:18:04,818 --> 01:18:06,187
You got that right.
1491
01:18:06,220 --> 01:18:07,589
Are we live?
1492
01:18:07,622 --> 01:18:09,757
Yeah!
1493
01:18:09,790 --> 01:18:11,959
- Miss Melody.
- Sir Burny.
1494
01:18:11,992 --> 01:18:15,129
- So, did he go in yet?
- Hmm?
1495
01:18:15,162 --> 01:18:16,498
He's hesitating.
1496
01:18:18,132 --> 01:18:19,867
You got this. You just--
1497
01:18:19,900 --> 01:18:22,970
- You get in there and you do it.
- We'll watch.
1498
01:18:23,003 --> 01:18:25,674
Well, I definitely can't do it
with everybody watching me.
1499
01:18:25,706 --> 01:18:28,976
Yes, you can.
You're full of BDE.
1500
01:18:29,009 --> 01:18:29,910
Hmm?
1501
01:18:31,646 --> 01:18:33,280
Brian David Energy.
1502
01:18:34,583 --> 01:18:36,784
That's cute.
1503
01:18:36,817 --> 01:18:39,320
Come on, Bri, bubby.
The sooner you get this over with,
1504
01:18:39,353 --> 01:18:41,523
the sooner we get to go to the diner
where I have a pork roll,
1505
01:18:41,556 --> 01:18:43,357
egg and cheese
with my name on it. Mm?
1506
01:18:43,390 --> 01:18:45,560
They can write "asshole"
on a kaiser roll?
1507
01:18:47,194 --> 01:18:49,496
See, you're funny,
but you're lucky, right?
1508
01:18:49,531 --> 01:18:51,700
You're lucky that I have
as much respect as I do
1509
01:18:51,732 --> 01:18:53,635
for the lovely Miss Melody here.
1510
01:18:53,668 --> 01:18:56,671
Otherwise, I-I just might have
to put the Grip of Death on you.
1511
01:18:56,705 --> 01:18:58,339
- Oh, yeah! Are we wrestling?
- No!
1512
01:18:58,372 --> 01:18:59,974
- No. No, we're not.
- We're not.
1513
01:19:00,007 --> 01:19:01,375
- No, we're not. We're not.
- Nobody's wrestling, all right?
1514
01:19:01,408 --> 01:19:03,444
Take it to DEFCON 5, WarGames.
1515
01:19:05,346 --> 01:19:06,847
You ready to do this?
1516
01:19:09,116 --> 01:19:10,552
I'm nervous.
1517
01:19:10,585 --> 01:19:11,852
Jesus, Bri,
1518
01:19:11,885 --> 01:19:14,388
we're not talking
about circumcision here.
1519
01:19:14,421 --> 01:19:16,924
You're just applying
for a shitty job.
1520
01:19:16,957 --> 01:19:19,093
You go in there, you fill out
the bullshit form,
1521
01:19:19,126 --> 01:19:21,596
you come out, we go eat. Right?
1522
01:19:24,898 --> 01:19:26,701
What do you think, babe?
1523
01:19:26,735 --> 01:19:28,737
Yeah, come on, babe.
What do you think?
1524
01:19:28,769 --> 01:19:31,706
- Yeah. babe.
- Mmm. Yeah, babe. What's up, babe?
1525
01:19:32,540 --> 01:19:33,807
Uh...
1526
01:19:39,313 --> 01:19:40,515
It can wait.
1527
01:25:20,955 --> 01:25:23,958
Welcome to Atlantic Cinemas
1528
01:25:23,992 --> 01:25:25,960
where the movies come to--
1529
01:25:25,994 --> 01:25:27,762
I'm sorry!
1530
01:25:27,795 --> 01:25:29,463
- Want some?
- I'm okay.
1531
01:25:31,799 --> 01:25:33,266
Resetting. We're rolling.
1532
01:25:35,469 --> 01:25:38,106
"Pork chops and applesauce."
1533
01:25:39,073 --> 01:25:40,074
God.
1534
01:25:46,179 --> 01:25:48,549
- Ow.
- Oh, sorry.
1535
01:25:48,583 --> 01:25:49,751
- No!
- Ah!
1536
01:25:53,855 --> 01:25:55,123
Please suck it still.
1537
01:25:55,857 --> 01:25:58,826
You're pulling your pud
in public?
1538
01:25:58,860 --> 01:26:01,095
Can I try that one more time?
1539
01:26:01,129 --> 01:26:04,065
It's Major Murder!
1540
01:26:04,698 --> 01:26:05,733
Whoa!
1541
01:26:05,767 --> 01:26:07,802
Is this thing on?!
1542
01:26:07,835 --> 01:26:11,139
'Cause I got something to say
to all the sissy civilians out there.
1543
01:26:13,673 --> 01:26:15,143
Sorry. So sorry.
1544
01:26:15,175 --> 01:26:17,578
And-and what would that be, Major?
1545
01:26:17,612 --> 01:26:18,813
I forgot!
1546
01:26:18,846 --> 01:26:20,347
Yes, Virginia,
1547
01:26:20,380 --> 01:26:23,183
you'd be better off
believing in Santa Claus
1548
01:26:23,216 --> 01:26:24,519
than that slam tam...
1549
01:26:26,186 --> 01:26:30,024
Because Shamwell is a sham!
1550
01:26:31,859 --> 01:26:33,594
A man of few words but powerful words.
1551
01:26:33,628 --> 01:26:34,796
That's enough.
1552
01:26:34,829 --> 01:26:36,898
Have fun. Don't run.
1553
01:26:38,166 --> 01:26:39,366
She's my ex.
1554
01:26:41,135 --> 01:26:43,604
Two hundred "Our Father's"!
1555
01:26:43,638 --> 01:26:46,107
A Morton's jelly donut.
1556
01:26:46,140 --> 01:26:48,208
Jesus Christ!
1557
01:26:48,241 --> 01:26:50,277
You like this?
This is real too.
1558
01:26:50,310 --> 01:26:53,614
I got this from the President
of the United States of--
1559
01:26:53,648 --> 01:26:54,949
Look at these nuts.
1560
01:26:54,982 --> 01:26:56,818
Damn it, man! Why?
1561
01:26:56,851 --> 01:26:58,186
Back on Earth...
1562
01:27:00,353 --> 01:27:02,790
One more time.
Damn it, man! Why?
1563
01:27:02,824 --> 01:27:05,626
- Did you... get it in yet?
- Hmm?
1564
01:27:05,660 --> 01:27:07,061
Mm-mm. He's hesitating.
1565
01:27:07,095 --> 01:27:08,529
Wait, what?!
1566
01:27:08,563 --> 01:27:10,397
He cut straight to it,
1567
01:27:10,430 --> 01:27:11,431
- didn't he?
- Didn't you get--
1568
01:27:13,400 --> 01:27:15,368
You Three Stooges
are banned for life!
1569
01:27:15,402 --> 01:27:18,506
- Eat shit!
- Not today.
1570
01:27:18,539 --> 01:27:19,907
Who are you, Father Ka-rass?
1571
01:27:19,941 --> 01:27:21,241
Ah! Not Father "Ka-rass."
1572
01:27:21,274 --> 01:27:22,409
Karras. Blah.
1573
01:27:22,442 --> 01:27:24,411
I'm the leader of the beavers.
1574
01:27:24,444 --> 01:27:25,747
Nice.
1575
01:27:25,780 --> 01:27:28,381
- Yes, it is.
- That's actually--
1576
01:27:28,415 --> 01:27:30,918
I kind of consider myself
the same thing, doing what I do.
1577
01:27:30,952 --> 01:27:33,221
- Is that right? Well...
- Yeah. It's pretty--
1578
01:27:33,253 --> 01:27:35,322
You got a lot
of ladies here, huh?
1579
01:27:35,355 --> 01:27:36,456
No.
1580
01:27:37,424 --> 01:27:40,661
Jesus Christ, fewer things in life
could be more perfect than that.
1581
01:27:40,695 --> 01:27:42,196
Give it up for the boys!